Conan O'Brien could not be reached from comment, but it was reported that after he heard what the president had to say he did an idiotic dance. However, he dances around like that all the time all the time so it probably nothing to do with anything

Labels: barack obama, conan o' brien, jay leno

As I am writing this the Democratic debate in Ohio is about to start. But they're not going to ask the question that's on all our minds, "How many donuts have you bought?"

The NY Times, the newspaper known for his high quality story telling and McCain smearing has answered that very question.

Here's your breakdown of just how much of their campaign money has each canidate spent at Dunkin' Donuts:

Clinton: $5,950.53
Romney: $992.91
McCain: $923.70
Obama: $723.64
Edwards: $253.04
Paul: $108.07

The lesson here? I have no damn clue. I tell you one thing though, I'd think about it before you donate any more money to Ron Paul, he hardly using any of that for pastries!

Labels: 2008 election, barack obama, hillary clinton, john edwards, john mccain, mitt romney, ron paul

Using the best psychics we could find and afford in the yellow pages we here at cheesegod.com have been able to download stories that will happen in 2008. Here is one such story:

Some cried. Some rejoiced. Some were too shocked to say how they were. Most vomited and then stuck their head in the oven. But all felt some kind of feeling or took some kind of action when the news was learned yesterday that George W. Bush had be reelected president.

"Why? Why? Why the hell does God hate us so much," one teary eyed 5 year girl was able to say between crying spats.

Today, the day after the 2008 presidential elections have left everyone shocked including the president himself.

"I just want to say how shocked and happy I am, but my vocabulary and speaking skills are good enough for me to do so," Bush told us through his World of Warcraft avatar during a recent wizard raid through the secret woods of Magiclot.

But the shock didn't end there. Dick Cheney suffered 82 heart attacks, and the predicted winning ticket of Obama & Marmaduke were equally dismayed.

"I thought America wanted change," Obama shouted from the edge of a tall building, "I knew I shouldn't of bought into this fad of cartoon dogs for running mates."

So how could such a thing happen? Turns out it was those pesky Diebold voting machines are to blame.

"It seems we forgot to unrig them after the 2004 election," Diebold spokesman Joe Orsulak told us just moments before being lynched by an angry mob, "Our bad."

So it looks like it'll be business as usual for the next four years. Meanwhile the official Republican ticket is already talking 2012.

"In four years we are confident, that America will be ready for Huckabee & Odie."

Labels: 2008 election, barack obama, george bush, joe orsulak, marmaduke, mike huckabee

After 51% of America announced to the rest of the world they're mentally retarded, the second term, first time elected, president spoke publicly about his plans for the future.

Kerry woke up yesterday morning to the realization that America was too worried about two dudes kissing to care about logic, he made the general "battle is lost, but the war is not over" speech. Bush, who always knew he'd win because Dick Cheney told him so, wasted no time continuing to make a fool of himself, telling the American public he was elected with a Mandate (in which you need 55% of the vote for). He also expressed concern over Illionois electing "Obama Sin Laden" to the senate.

Bush called a press conference and happily announced his plans for the future. Here are the highlights:

· Wars against Iran, Kuwait, France, North East America, and Melmac. Bush said he would not invade N. Korea because after the WWII stories his dad told him, he's afraid of the Japanese.

· Reinstate the Draft. All men between the ages of 16 to 59 will be forced to join the army and fight someone or other. Bush insisted this isn't a flip-flop, when he said there would be no draft he was referring to his bedroom, where he just finally had the windows shut.

· A Quadrillian Dollar Deficit. Because he wants to see what they'll do when they run out of space on the counters in New York City.

· 90% tax cut for the rich. It's trickle down economics at work.

· To read all the way through The Monster At The End Of This Book.

· Sleep, sit around, whatever...

When the press asked Bush what he thought American's would say about these plans, Bush responded, "What the hell do I care? What are they going to do? Not vote for me?" Bush then got in his new "Presidential Bike" and rode off to Chuck-E-Cheese where he spent the rest of the day.

Meanwhile Kerry ripped off his lucky red tie, his lucky Boston Red Sox cap, and removed his lucky Springsteen guitar pick from his pocket and yelled at them; "You've betrayed me for the last time!" He then took a dump in a paper bag, set it on fire, and left it on John O' Neil's door step.

Labels: alf, barack obama, george bush, john kerry