26	Number of Times Bush to blame 9/11 for his problems
2	Amount of times Bush expected to chuckle when Kerry calls him a "Master Debator"
8	The amount of toes on Kerry's right foot
31	Amount of times Bush will use 9/11 to justify being reelected
3	How many people will find something on this site amusing
536	Amount of times Bush will call Kerry a 'Flip Flopper'
1	How Many times Kerry will defend himself against Bush
None	How many balls John Kerry has
201,054	How many words will avoid using because he can't pronounce them
29	How many years ago the Vietnam War ended
11	The percentage of people that will base their vote on the Vietnam war
1	How many times Bush will use 9/11 to justify getting Dan Rather fired (he's a very confused little boy)
3	How many times Kerry's wife will make him plug Heinz ketchup during the debate
2486	The amount of lies Dick Cheney will tell
2487	The amount of lies the American people will beileve
0	How many things that will be accomplished tonight

Labels: 2004 election, debates, george bush, john kerry

he Mets have had it hard this month, losing all but two games. Actually, the Mets have had it hard this year, so far having experienced a worse record than last years disappointing season. Come to think about it, the Mets have had a disappointing century. Since losing to the Yankees in the 2000 world series they've yet to regain entry to the playoffs nor even have a winning season during the last three years. You know what?
The Mets have sucked ever since they first picked up a bat in 1962.

But, now 42 years and a Joe Orsulak later, the Mets are appearing to take action.
They've already announced the termination of current manger Art Howe and all his
coaches. The Mets are hoping to negotiate a deal with Lou Pinella, who's proved he
can manage a losing team just as well as any ex-Mets manager can while with the Tampa
Bay Devil Rays.

But Mets are not stopping there. The Mets have fired Howe, but the Met's are still
losing despite this (granted, that even though Howe was fired he still is managing
the team for some reason). So who else can they blame. Armando Benitez? Nope.
Already traded him the the Marlins where he's having an All Star season. Maybe Bobby
Valentine? No, wait, he was the manager that Mets fans hated and demanded he be fired
despite actually producing a winning record with the team. Mo Vaughn? Good try,
Although he's still on the payroll, Vaugn hasn't actually played a game in over a
year due to being too fat to fit into his hummer and drive to the game. href="http://www.news-leader.com/today/0921-Halftonman-183461.html">You may have read
about him in the news recently. So who else? Mel Rojas? John Rocker? Dallas Green? Choo choo Colemon? Tim McCarver? George McClevane? Steve Phillips? Bob Apadaca? George W. Bush? Nope, all gone... well not Bush... yet... I don't think we can blame this one on him anyway. Maybe Michael Moore can find a way.

There is one group of men who has stayed with the Mets throughout these losing times.
Are you thinking, "Owner Fred Wilpon, his idiot son in the front office, and Jim
Duquette the GM who traded away all of the young promising players for a beef
burrito?"

Nope, wrong! Then who? The Hot Dog vendors of course! Those damn people who walk
past you at the stadium every two seconds screaming, "HOT DOG! HOT DOG HERE!" It's
there fault!

The Mets philosophy of the week is that the players won't play well unless the fans
are cheering them on. The fans won't cheer them on if they're unhappy with there hot
dog service. Of course the Hot Dog vendors will argue that the reason they no longer
receive cheers is because most fans stopped showing up months ago and the few that do
show up have nothing to cheer about. Many fans don't even buy hot dogs because they
can't afford the $5 price tag after paying $50 for their ticket. Excuses, excuses.

So, as announced last night to distract the press from the Mets losing a game to the
last place Expos, all Hot Dog guys will be terminated at the end of the month. Mr.
Met, you're next!

Labels: baseball, hot dogs, mets

s thousands are expected to line up tonight at the Virgin record store tonight for their chance to get a copy of the highly anticipated Star Wars DVD, early reviewers are warning that it will be disappointing to hardcore fans.

George Lucas just can't help but tinker with his old films. Improving special effects is one thing, but this time Lucas has gone overboard.

How bad could it be you ask? Well, for one, it seems George Lucas wants to make sure fans are able to link the new Star Wars films with the old ones. He's done this replacing several actors in the trilogy with the ones that played them in the new films. At a couple of points throughout the film Darth Vader lifts his visor to reveal Hayden Christensen underneath, who proceeds to wink at the audience. It also seems it's now necessary for Princess Leila to have a tattoo on her right arm of Natalie Portman with the word "Mom" underneath.

But perhaps these are just little nitpicks compared to the added scene of Jabba the Hut meeting up with Howard The Duck to discuss John Kerry's Vietnam record. And if you think that's odd, it seems Lucas has decided he wanted give fans something they really want by adding the death of Jar Jar Binks to Episode IV. Not that fans won't appreciate it, but the storyline of Jar Jar's husband taking him out on a boat and strangling him before dumping him over the side seems both out of place and inappropriate.

Did I mention the product placement? Oh yes, surely I did. Halfway through the ewok battle scene in Return Of The Jedi the ewoks line up and do the Pepto-Bismol dance.

But perhaps I'm making too big of a deal over all this. Many of the fans we interviewed complained immensely about the changes but then conceded to spend the $60 to preorder the DVD anyway... as well as $80 on the new "DVD edition" action figures... and $20 on the Star Wars DVD T-shirt.... and $55 on the new Star Wars Video Game... and $10 on the Star Wars brand Shaving Cream.

May the farce be with you!

Labels: george lucas, howard the duck, john kerry, star wars

Refusing to admit being outdone in any sort of way, Microsoft Launched it's own Music Store last week. Unfortunately, the ease of use is nonexistent. MSN just doesn't get it.

After purchasing each song you must enter in a serial number and register it (or in their words, "activate it") within 30 days of first play or else the song will cease to function. Also each song will automatically put a shortcut in your taskbar, desktop, and start menu. It will also run in the background when you start your PC and have to be shut off manually in the bottom right corner of your screen.

If it annoys you to have to turn off all your music files every time you go on the computer, don't worry, all the files will crash by themselves if you just wait a couple of minutes. Of course for each file that crashes you will get that annoying error box asking you if you want to send a report to Microsoft about it. Sending the report, of course, will just result in a web page loading up blaming the crash on a third party driver.

Meanwhile Microsoft is warning users to update their music files to latest version or they may be taken over by a hacker. And hackers have a crappy bitchin' taste in music (edited by hacker i-m-so-kewl). It is also advised that you reformat your mp3 player each time you transfer a new song onto it for best results.

Apple, owner of song selling leader iTunes, has said they will stay on top by continuing to offer mediocre products at expensive prices... but that are extremely stylish.

Note: I would love to take credit for creating the above image, but I actually stole it from here.

Labels: apple, bill gates, itunes, mp3, msn music, windows

omiones announced late Thursday night at a midnight rally that they would be introducing a new pizza flavored pizza to replace
the current cardboard flavor.

Dominoes hopes this will increase their business to those who enjoy eating pizza.
Currently Dominoes customer base consists primarily of those who don't mind the taste
of frozen pizza, but are too lazy to put it in the microwave themselves.

If the new pizza goes well, Dominoes plans to introduce more varieties. Currently
under consideration are pepperoni, meatball, and mushroom to replace such current
favorites as pocket lint, paper towel roll, and ass.

Some are worried about the "New Coke" complex which might have some people miss the
old flavor, not caused they like it, but because they can't stand progress. We may be
seeing New Dominoes, Dominoes Classic, and D2 (The Low Carb Pizza).
No timetable has been set for the release of the new pizza as all of Dominoes'
marketing department are currently trying to work on a way of decreasing the size of
their pizza even more and still be able to call it 'large.'

Labels: dominoes, food, pizza