4/13/2003

Bush Gives War 3 Thumbs Up On TiVo


George Bush announced yesterday that he gave The War on Iraq three thumbs up on TiVo, showing how much he loves the war.


"Now that TiVo knows how good this war is, hopefully it will begin suggesting new countries to invade," Bush told reporters by speaker phone while he sat in his pajamas eating a bowl of Captain Crunch, "I also gave Family Matters three thumbs up cause that Urkel kid cracks me up."


So far, however, TiVo has only suggested a rerun of Perfect Strangers and American Pie 2.


"It's not what I was looking for, but that Balki guy cracks me up too. American Pie 2 has boobies in it, so it can't be that bad," Bush told us later from Noise Land Video Arcade where he had just finished up a game of Street Fighter.


Bush also announced he canceled his season pass to Newsline because he was afraid it would cause Pokemon to be deleted from the Hard Drive.



Three thumbs up is more than a man can do, cause he only has two thumbs.

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Embarrassing Celebrities Photos


People in America love nothing more than celebrating our celebrities' shortcomings. We here at cheesegod.com appreciate this and is why we've gone out of our way to bring you these exclusive pictures we've uncovered:






Regis Philbin, not recycling



Mike Piazza serving a body double for Saddam Hussein



Jay Leno, shooting a Hobo




And, in case you missed it the first time it was here, click here for one involving R. Kelly.


Stay tuned for more...

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4/04/2003

Hussein Killed Biggie & Tupac


The US Government announced that it was Saddam Hussein who was responsible for the deaths of elitist rappers Tupac and Biggie.


It had nothing to do the east side or the west, but rather Middle East Side. The US Government provided the picture on the right as "documented proof" of the murder.


Some skeptics say however that the government is only saying this because they want support for the war. As a news source though we must agree with whatever the government says, or else we might not get future scoops or interviews with congressmen and such. So we agree this with this war 100% and all that we're doing there.


We also agree with government on the following:



  • Saddam Hussein is evil.
  • It is America's job to tell the people of Iraq what they want
  • Saddam Hussein was responsible for the death of Jesus
  • Saddam Hussein is responsible for the awful TV version of My Big Fat Greek Wedding
  • Our God is better than their god
  • Saddam would not make a very good lover

  • The rich need tax cuts more than the poor

Good night folks, and god bless America!!!!



Mr. Fish says: I don't like this story, it's too un-American, we must support our troops. If that bastard Saddam was here I'm lay an egg in his coffee.. do those Arabs even drink coffee?


Lance Froman says: I disagree, I think the best way to support our troops is to bring them home.


Mike Says: Shut up Lance, there's no way I'm paying $2 a gallon for gas.


Nick says: It figures you'd give into that stupid alternative press garbage, with your big fro and all... Man, I wonder if Saddam had anything to do with the death of Right Said Fred... I liked that guy



Mike says:: I don't think Right Said Fred is dead, unless you count his career. I like that guy to if you know what I mean, and if you do, please tell me, cause I don't.





Documented proof, thanks to two sloppy seconds in photoshop.

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FOX To Air Iraq Reality Show


FOX was excited to announce that this spring they will begin airing the reality show "Bomb Iraq."


Contestants will each be given an airplane and have to bomb different cities inside Iraq. But the show will be much more strategic than just that.


"Each contestant will be given a map of Iraq, a list of targets, a plane armed with 10 cruise missiles, and a single luxury item," FOX spokesperson Tom Bellamy told us, "they'll have to avoid casualties and take down the targets and be graded on their performance by celebrity judges. And the best thing... it's hosted by Bob Saget!"



Contestants will gain or lose points based on their hits/killings. For example: For each building they take down they'll get 500 points, for every enemy tank/craft they'll get 400 points. But for every American Soldier killed they'll lose 1,000 points, every British Soldier they'll lose 500 points, and for every Iraqi civilian killed they'll lose 5 points.


"We're excited to have another allie on our side," George W. Bush interrupted an episode of Becker to tell everyone, "and yes, I think I did misspell allie, I'm so stupid not only do I mispronounce things while I talk, I'm some how manage to misspell them too."


Bob Saget is excited to take on the job as host.


"It's so great FOX chose me to host, I didn't think anyone even remembered who I was," Bob Saget said to a group of journalists who stared blankly at him, "I was Danny Tanner... from Full House... the show that's rerun on TBS between two episodes of Family Matters," the press continued to stare at him, confused, "Oh well, no matter. It's still better than the job at Blockbuster I've been doing the last couple of months. Oh crap! I forgot to ask Mr. Hartwell for the week off that's being recorded, I got to go!"

The show is being filmed now, but most likely won't air until May, because that's sweeps.




Bob Saget stands in front of some dead guy, just happy to be on TV

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