Death rumors of Osama Bin Laden were confirmed yesterday when US Troops were attacked by the Zombie Bin Laden.

"It was crazy," said Prvt. Joe Orsulak, "We were just minding our own business, taking a stroll down the streets of Baghdad, when all the sudden he jumped out from inside a sand dune. He started scratching at us and telling us about how he wanted our imperialist brains. He took a bite right out of Craig's head."

The surprised troops shot at the Zombie Bin Laden, but didn't get far. The bullets traveled right through Osama as he continued his attack. It wasn't until one brave soldier took out the Haliburton brand Zombie Head Remover that the deceased Bin Laden got scared and retreated.

"Democrats questioned the 2.1 billion dollar acquisition of the Zombie Head Removers for our US Troops last year," Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld roared at the White House press core, "I think we all have to ask ourselves. Do the Democrats love America, or do they love zombie terrorists?"

Troops are currently investigating the attack to see if this was an isolated incident.

"We think it may have happened before," Sgt. Jeff McKnight told us, "We're always finding troops missing their brains. We had previously thought the Iraqi insurgents had found a way to shrink down themselves, fly tiny planes into our ears, and then suicide bomb our brains."

US Troops in Iraq had been wearing Haliburton brand Ear Muffs to protect themselves against such an attack.

Labels: bin laden, haliburton, joe orsulak, osama, zombies

Hello folks!

I will be soon be departing for another hiatus for about a week. Sorry to disappoint all my loyal followers. Anywho, to help make this time apart less traumatic I've decided to share with you some MP3s I've had hanging around the warehouse. Enjoy friends!

You can click on the little speaker next to each title to play the song, or just right click and choose "Save as" to save the song to your computer. For those of you on macs without a two button mouse you know what to do... and get a second button you crazy people!

Back To The Future - This was my attempt to make a techno/disco version of the Back To The Future Song.

Toxic - Since the beginning of Britney Spears's career cheesegod.com has been trying to bring her down, and judging by the events of her life over the last year or two, I think it's safe to say we succeeded. This was my attempt to improve one of her songs. While I'm not going as far as to say this version is good, I'll definitely says it's better than her version.

Cosby VS The Simpsons - Back in 1990 there was much controversy when FOX decided to move The Simpsons from Sundays to Thursdays against The Cosby Show. I did not make this song, it's from Z100. The only thing I had to do with this song is that I happen to find it on an old audio cassette of mine, as is evident by it's lo-fi sound.

George Bush - A song made from speeches by George Bush during his 1988 reelection campaign. This is also from Z100. Don't let the last two songs fool you, Z100 sucked back then and sucks even more now.

Yankee Ad - Consider this that extra on the DVD that no one will ever watch, but they put it there anyway so you feel like you're getting more bang for your buck. This is the music I composed in about 3 seconds with Garage Band in 2004 for the Yankees/Visa Ad spoof on this website.

Enjoy the music! I'll see you all in a week or so!

Labels: back to the future, britney spears, george bush, mp3, music, simpsons, yankess

Normally I would stick something like this on Raw Toast but I thought this deserved special attention.

This is that Numa Numa kid that everyone laughed at back in the day (and by "the day" I mean about a year ago). Well, now he's attempting to capitalize on it by making a new song and selling a bunch of crap.

So, give the poor kids a couple of cents and buy his DRM free song at his website, new numa.com. We owe it to him after pointing and laughing at him so much. Besides, a guy's gotta eat.

They're also selling some shirts n' crap, which conveniently are available in sizes up to 4X so the Numa Lad himself could wear one. I wouldn't buy and wear the shirts though, that would just be sad.

Labels: numa, youtube

Something's up at the iTunes music store...

Here's hoping for an iPod that is also a space heater... or the ability to download gumball recipees from the iTunes music store... or perhaps DRM that's so great you can only listen to a song once and then you hard drive automatically reformats itself.

For more details, either stay tuned to this site, or go somewhere else.

And, now, here are those crazy details:

New iPods... nothing major here, now you can play games on your iPod not even worth playing on your cell phone. It has a new brighter screen, which is alright, but it's the same size. The battery life, however, has been expanded to last 20 hours, which sounds pretty excellent.

Oh yeah, they come with new headphones now. Every headphone that has ever come with any portable player has sucked major applesauce, and I'm sure this is no different.

Best part is though that they've lowered the price, it's now $249 for the 30gb, and $349 for the 80gb.

Somehow apple has managed to decrease the size of the nanos even more while doubling the storage capacity. They now sport different colours as well. Pretty cool looking.

iTunes 7 is actually what may be what I'm most excited about out of all this. Besides looking slightly different there are a couple of new features that makes this product worth the upgrade.

The feature you'll hear most about on the news will be the Disney movies now for sale. Whatever. If someone is dumb enough to pay $15 for a movie to watch on a two inch iPod screen or their computer monitor then more power to Apple.

The features most worth noting are not even listed in the "What's new" section of the help file. And, because of this, all of the new little tweaks still have not been found.

iTunes now keeps track of how many times you skip a song. This data can be used to make smart playlists so you can exclude the songs you skip most. Pretty clever.

Every time you import music now, iTunes will search for and add the album art for the songs. I've had mixed success with this, but it's still a nice feature which hopefully will improve in the future.

For some reason in past versions of iTunes the visualizer would not display in your full resolution in full screen (unless, of course, you have a sucky resolution) in the windows version. Now, however, it does and looks very perty.

iTunes also has a few new ways of looking at your music involving your album art. It looks nice, but is pretty useless.

If more fun features are found, I'll add 'em.

Now, to look forward to the Wii announcement on Thursday...

Labels: aplle, ipod, itunes

So tomorrow we'll be remembering the events of five years ago, but yesterday we let past the 7 year anniversary of the end of the world.

Yes, many might not remember that 9/9/99 marked the end of the world for some. In all the Y2K panic, we forget some were trying to spread some of that panic less than four months earlier.

September 9, 1999 wasn't going to be the end of the world because the Sega Dreamcast was released and MTV Video Music awards aired on that date. Nope, it was the computers again.

Apparently, according to the chaos spreaders, 9999 at one point was used in computer software to signal "shut down". So naturally, computers, when seeing the date, would shut down. But don't go blaming the damn programmers for causing the end of the world yet. Most of the 9/9/99 problems were caused by users, not programmers.

When entering data in spreadsheets that automatically sort entries by number, people often used 9999 on items they wanted to appear on the bottom of the list. Or sometimes 9/9/99 was used as a date on items that they never wanted to happen. Thankfully it appears didn't use this system when scheduling nuclear weapon strikes.

But, as you can tell by looking out your window, the world didn't end, and I can sit here and write about it for no reason.

Labels: 1999, 9/9/99, 9999, freamcast, mtv, sega, y2k

Dear god... no.



This story makes feel so uncomftable I can hardly type it, so I'll just copy & paste some of the story from Reuters.

Four prisoners in an El Salvador jail hid cellphones, a phone charger and spare chips in their bowels so they could coordinate crimes from their cells, prison officials said on Wednesday.

The four men, all gang members, wrapped their phones and accessories in plastic and inserted them into their rectums "far enough to reach their intestines," Ramon Arevalo, director of the maximum security Zacatecoluca prison, said.

Arevalo said the ruse was discovered during X-ray examinations following six weeks of investigations.

I know cell phones are getting smaller... but jeesh...

Labels: ass, jail, phone, x-rays

Labels: cereal, fish, sushi

So Steve Irwin, The Crocodile Hunter, is dead. Killed by a poisonous fish. I hope no one is surprised. Everyday this nut with sneak up on dangerous animals and wrestle with them for no reason. Every segment on his shows would start off by him saying how dangerous it was and how no one should attempt to do it... then he'd do it.

Irwin died while filming a TV show, and I hope this segment also makes it on his TV show. It'd do the public good that doing stupid things and acting like an idiot does have consequences.

So, today we mourn the death of the crocodile hunter. In fairness he did lead a movement for better treatment of animals, which, again, I guess included him wrestling them. He also had a wife and child. You may remember the controversy a couple of years ago when Irwin was feeding crocodiles while holding his young child.

So, now that Irwin is dead I'm sure the Discovery channel is already planning it's one week long tribute to him by rerunning all his greatest hits and are salivating just thinking about the ratings.

No one should ever die. Especially those with family. Sometimes though, you just can't really be that surprised.

Labels: discovery channel, fish, steve irwin

Descriptions from IMDB:

Lassie Come Home (1943):
"Hard times came for Carraclough family and they are forced to sell their dog to the rich Duke of Rudling. However, Lassie, the dog, is unwilling to leave the young Carraclough boy and sets out on the long and dangerous journey in order to rejoin him."

Bingo 1991:
"Chuckie's parents discover the stowaway pooch, and make no bones about the fact that Bingo will not accompany them on their cross-country move. What follows next is a heart warming 1000 mile adventure of puppy love and loyalty as Bingo and Chuckie encounter nutty characters and hilarious situations in thier quest to be reunited."

Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey 1993:
"Three pets are left behind when their family goes on vacation. Unsure of what happened, the animals set out on a quest to find their family. This journey across America is very dangerous and the animals risk never seeing their masters again."

Lassie (2006):
"A family in financial crisis is forced to sell Lassie, their beloved dog. Hundreds of miles away from her true family, Lassie escapes and sets out on a journey home."

Labels: dogs, hollywood, lassie, movies