Redmond, WA – Attendees of the monthly Microsoft snuggle party were amazed when it was announced that Microsoft had successfully purchased port 80 from the US Government.

In front of huge television that displayed giant Microsoft logos and very happy people in various active stances for no reason around them, the Microsoft chairman Bill Gates dropped the bomb.

“Port 80 is ours. We now control your Internet. We now control your desktop. We now control your home video game system. Next up, Berlin.”

Port 80 is the way most Internet browsing traffic is sent. Without port 80 most programs such as Internet explorer, Email, AOL instant messenger, and Bonsai Buddy would not work.

When asked how much Microsoft had paid the US Government for the port, Gates refused to answer. Not because it was a secret, but because he didn't have all day to say such a large number. Although blogs everywhere have been circulating rumors that Microsoft bough out congressmen by promising them an appearance as warriors in Age of Empires IV.

Microsoft ensures that now that they control port 80 they can keep it better secure and that their browser will now be more secure. Of course the only way they control this is by keeping Internet Explorer the only browser that can work. Gates told us effective next month browsers such as Firefox, Opera, Safari, Netscape, and Scumsucker will no longer work. It should be noted Scumsucker is not really a browser, or any type of program for that matter, but was just made up by Microsoft employees because they think it's funny when Gates says “Scumsucker.”

The snuggle part went off without a hitch and there was only two reports off someone trying to “cop a feel,” both by Hector Ruiz.

I often like to read snopes.com as a time killer. The site about Urban Legends provides stories that the fact they border on the edge of reality makes them that more interesting.

I assumed that the book “Hippo Eats Dwarf” would provide similar stories. But my question is, would it provide anything I can't already just get off the Internet, besides being neatly printed and binded together with a shiny cover. In fact, the author Alex Boese runs his own Urban Legend/Scam site, “Museum of Hoaxes.”

Hippo Eats Dwarf, which gets it's name from one of the most popular fake news stories to constantly circulate, tends to focus more on scams than Urban Legends. Boese attempts to string all together these scams together by teaching us how detect scams. I suppose so we can all be cool scam busting sleuths such as him. But 99% of the stories in here are so obviously fake, reasons for why it's fake are not necessary.

When I first saw this picture on the right I didn't think, “Holy crap! That's a big cat!” Instead, I thought, “Man, that's a pretty crappy photoshopped picture.” Reading the story that goes along with it, about how the kitten was found near radioactive material and must of developed a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle complex just affirms that this story full of crap. Hey, they should have this cat make an appearance in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles where he captures and eats Splinter.

But, many believed this tall tale. That, perhaps, is the most interesting thing about any of these stories. Just how stupid and obviously fake can a hoax get and there still be people believing it. While not every hoax is so obviously fake, many are. Like, if you were to receive a phone call telling you that if you stand naked in front of your window a new satellite technology would scan you from space and give you a mammogram, would you comply, take off your shirt and stand in front of your window? Well, people did.

The book, Hippo Eats Dwarf is currently for sale at amazon.com and other places.

Computer enthusiasts spewed with glee today when a anonymous hacker posted snapshots on their blog of the new Intel based Mac Book Pro successfully booting up the Commodore 64 operating system.

“Finally, I can play my Ghostbusters game I got. I haven't been able to play it since my wife through my Commodore, mistaking it for an old toaster oven,” said one commenter on the blog post.

“wOOT!!11,” responded another.

“Commodore 64 FTW!” said yet another.

After successfully booting up Mac OSX, Windows XP, and Linux on the same notebook geek and nerds have been searching for the next great thing to boot up on the system. Finally one website put out a call for the Commodore 64 to be placed on a Mac and offered a bounty to the first person to pull it off.

The bounty began at $10, and after a series of donations from other fanatics, the reward was raised to $12.84 and an opened box of Super Mario Fruit Roll-ups.

Steve Jobs of Apple Computers, who recently became the largest share holder of Disney, was unavailable for comment as he was too busy ogling, er... observing the actresses on the set of Desperate Housewives.

Meanwhile the nerd community is hard at work on modding the mac book to double as a George Forman grill.