12/28/2005

Gravel (not based upon a true story)

The left side of my face pressed against the cold gravel. The foot on the opposite side of my face would push down harder every so often when my assailant wanted to emphasize a particular point he was making as he ranted on.

I'm not sure why I was chosen for this attack. I didn't know this person. Well, at least I don't think I did. I never saw his face, he just pushed me down from behind and placed his foot down upon my face. I didn't recognize his voice, nor what I could spy from right eye of the bottom of his sneaker.

I'm not really sure what he was raving about, something about Steve Jobs and his Haustorium. I don't know. To be honest, I wasn't really paying attention. All I kept thinking about was how great of a blog entry this will be.

12/21/2005

Bush With Santa Greeting!

Happy/Merry Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza/Ramadhan/Festivus/Boxing Day/Whatever!

Our holiday gist to you is this beautiful card below! You can send it to friends, enemies, or even Tony Danza.

Just fill in the form and be delighted that you gave your aquatence the best present they could ever recieve and, because of this, you don't need to buy them anything else! Isn't life grand!





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12/19/2005

Cheesegod.com in New York Times


People have begun to wonder if blogs are the new venue of breaking news. Thanks to internet sites we knew about the forged Bush Military Memos and that gay bald rightwing reporter running a muck in the whitehouse. Well, now cheesegod.com has made a mockery of all of that by being added to that list.

About one week ago we "broke" the Animal Crossing anti-RIAA story. After spreading to tons of other sites from Digg, to slashdot, to joystiq, to a bunch of crappy sites not worth mentioning, it has landed at the New York Times.

Unbelievable, but true. And to top it off, despite the fact that most stories are lost to the masses when it becomes available online, cheeegod.com has received full credit. I assume Mr. Zeller did not read the story I did just days before where I jabbed at the New York Times for featuring less than important news on their cover. Of course featuring anything from cheesegod.com doesn't exactly disprove this point.

Read the article here (Available for just a week or two before they make you pay to read it):Social Commentary, or Just a Dog's Opinion? - New York Times


12/16/2005

NYC Transit Strike Solutions


The transit strike has arrived in New York City and millions of news journalists are effected by having to cover the story for hours on end. These poor news journalists have to stand out on this somewhat cold day on the streets and interview disgruntled New Yorkers.

But, worry no more, solutions are on their way. Mayor Bloomberg has rose into action with sure fire ways to deal with the problem. You've no doubt already heard that Taxi cabs will now be able to accept more than one fare at a time and that car pooling is being encouraged by, er, asking people if they wouldn't mind sharing a car ride.

But what other steps are taking to deal with tragedy? Well, glad you asked. Here are three:

1)Monkey Bars have been installed in busy pedestrian sections. Imagine your walking down 7th street on your way to Penn Station when, damn it, some slow old lady is taking her time with her walker in front of you. What do you do? Push her over? No, not this time. Now you can just jump up, grab the monkey bars, and swing your way over her.

2)Piggy Back Rides. Mayor Bloomberg is personally giving anyone who wants one, a ride back to their home from the city. On the right we see Ol' Mikey trying to get a woman to Lincoln Square, but he appears to be lost, don't worry Bloomy, you'll get there!

3)Stay Home. Who wants you here anyway.

12/12/2005

King Kong Commision Report


This is actually a repost of an old story, but with the release of the remake of King Kong on Wednesday it seemed worth repeating.

Read it now, click this.

The Digg Effect?

The “Digg Effect” pertains to the result of having a website listed on technology social bookmarking website Digg.com. Usually this result is increased visitors to the site and perhaps an increase in bandwidth, so much so the website will crash.

Well, this website has made the front page of Digg twice. Once back in May for a video of a dual view TV, and now, just a couple of days ago for the Animal Crossing/RIAA story. The first time resulted in a less than modest bandwidth bill, the second resulted in a bunch of a number of idiotic comments left on my site.

I could tell you about my bandwidth bill and how I pulled all my hair out and jumped off a tall building when I saw how much my credit card was charged, but I talking about the idiotic comments seems like it'd be much more interesting to me. Plus, the stuff about pulling hair and committing suicide is pretty much a lie anyway.

I experienced a huge jump in visitors to the site, and with that a huge jump in comments left on the site. Let's take a look at some:

Comment #1:
Ur so gay Cheesegod -_-;

I'm not sure why this commenter came to the conclusion that I am gay. But I can come the conclusion they are retarded by the fact they spell “you are” Ur.

Comment #2:
yams yams yams yams yams yams yams yams yams yams yams yams

followed by:

Comment #3:
yammy yams oh wonderful yams

Despite being off topic, at least the comments are not quite as moronic as:

Comment #4:
lol, f**kin phaggot. Digg in your ass m0th3rf**k3r

and..

Comment #5:
I want to cum herpes in his ass again?

I'm not sure why this person is asking me if they want to do this. They should know what they want to do. Of course maybe the question is the again part. They could be asking if they once again have the desire to do this. It's a pity to want something and not be able to accomplish it.
Comment #6:
Digg 0wnz Cheese God hahaha

Apparently they think Digg “Ownz” this site. This is incorrect, and also does not pertain to the story they are commenting on.

Comment #7:
You misspelled "against."

Actually, there is nothing wrong with this comment, they are correct. I did misspell against. Thanks anonymous!

There were some actual non moronic comments made, and I thank those that are responsible. Actually, thanks to the morons too, you proved that Digg.com has become a haven for dumbasses.

Of course I realize that it only takes one or two people to post stupid comments and that there are intellectual people reading digg.com. Still, it's still fun laugh at those who aren't and seem to almost boast it.


12/10/2005

Animal Crossing Speaks Out Against the RIAA

The folks at Nintendo have included a jab at the Record Industry in Animal Crossing: Wild World for the DS. It amused me anyway.




This can be seen by listening to K.K. Slider's song in the basement of the museum. After listening to the entire song he will give you a copy of the song and the above dialogue takes place.


12/08/2005

Video: Last of the Pepsi Holiday Spice


Of the all discountinued colas out there Pepsi Holiday Spice is one of the most sought after, only behind Mountain Dew Live Wire. Twelve packs of the soda easily sell on eBay for upwards of $8.00, people cry about drinking their last can on Flikr, and a website devoted to hard to find soda charges over the top prices for it's stash.



So when I heard that a local foodmart was selling a 2 liter of the soda for just $2.25, I grabbed my CVS camera and headed for the town of Hicksville, NY.



Check out the video! Click here. Windows Media Format.


By the way, the quality of this video is not exactly high def, if you catch my drift. Besides being recorded with a CVS brand disposable camera the microphone kept making a clunking noise. But what do you want, it's free video, right?


12/07/2005

Xbox 360 UFAQ


As you know something called the Xbox 360 was released last month. And many people are unsure of what this product has to offer. Of course these people are idiots. And these idiots quite possibly could be the same idiots who read this site. So I present as a courtesy to these idiots my Xbox 360 UFAQ (unfequently asked questions).

Why it called X-Box 360?

The 360, contrary to popular belief, does not refer to the number of systems actually released on launch day, but actually refers to the temperature that the system reaches.

How big is the X-Box?

Surprisingly small. After the travesty that was the 22 foot long original X-Box, the 360 has really slimed down. Unfortunately the power supply is now so large it can be used as a TV stand.

What good games are available?

Well, there's Project Gotham Racing 3, and um.... let's see. There must be something else. Call of Duty 2 is pretty realistic if in World War II soldiers had a hard time aiming their weapons due to first person shooter controls. Also there's some cool oldschool arcade games available through Xbox Live, I can't wait to play games from 1975 on my console made in 2005.

How much does it cost?

Microsoft has arranged a wonderful pricing tier. It's $300 for the core gaming package, $400 for the premium package, $600 for the combo deal your local Gamestop will make you purchase to get the system, and $800 for the system at the overpriced JC Penny. Of course you'll be paying $1000 for the system on eBay, since everyone else is sold out.

Is it energy sufficient?

Just as much as the original Xbox... time two. So it uses twice the electric as the original Xbox. Who cares? You going to worry about preserving energy or looking cool?

What can the 360 do besides play games?

So many things!

It can play DVDs, just like your DVD player you got marked down at Target for $49 already could!

It can play movie trailers. You complain when they're bothering you before the movie at the theatre, but if they're bothering at home, it's progress!

It plays MP3s! Cool! I wish my computer, DVD player, Airport Express, cellphone, or iPod could do that!

It looks pretty! It's "sexxy." With interchangeable face plates we finally have the 5 year old cellphone fad making it's way to our living room.

The powersupply doubles as a space heater!