Last night before I went to bed I heard countless stories of the madness occurring at the late night caucus in Texas. Long lines around blocks, lack of ballots, places having to leave people outside because there was already so many inside they were breaking the fire code, and a general misunderstanding of how the process works. In one location they were shocked when over 200 people showed since they were only expecting 4.

With all this madness ensuing it's no wonder that when I woke up this morning only about a third of the precincts had reported their decision. But here's what I don't understand, why have 32 votes been submitted so far for 'undecided'?

Now, I don't throw the abbreviation WTF around often, but... WTF?

You know, I can see you being loyal to your candidate of choice and braving through all the chaos to make sure your voice is heard, but undecided? That's like spending millions of dollars for an ad during the Super Bowl only to just air a blank screen.

Meh, whatever. Whatever makes you feel good about yourself.

Labels: 2008 election, texas

As I am writing this the Democratic debate in Ohio is about to start. But they're not going to ask the question that's on all our minds, "How many donuts have you bought?"

The NY Times, the newspaper known for his high quality story telling and McCain smearing has answered that very question.

Here's your breakdown of just how much of their campaign money has each canidate spent at Dunkin' Donuts:

Clinton: $5,950.53
Romney: $992.91
McCain: $923.70
Obama: $723.64
Edwards: $253.04
Paul: $108.07

The lesson here? I have no damn clue. I tell you one thing though, I'd think about it before you donate any more money to Ron Paul, he hardly using any of that for pastries!

Labels: 2008 election, barack obama, hillary clinton, john edwards, john mccain, mitt romney, ron paul

Just noticed this ad on top of cheesegod.com:



Forget inappropriate relationships with lobbyists, this is a much bigger story. John McCain is using freakin' black magic! Or is he just reaching out to the all importatent Salem vote?

I wonder how many conservatives are seeing this ad and thinking, "Oh, geez, I hated McCain before, but look he has a crystal ball! I must RECONSIDER!" And then they probably run to church to ask god forgiveness for going to cheesegod.com, then maybe they'll shoot a duck or something, I don't know.

Labels: 2008 election, john mccain

Johnston Green received a boost to his fictional campaign today when a confused and disheveled Ross Perot endorsed him for president.

"America needs to be saved from the female Clinton and the Sugar Cain." Perot told two journalists and a dog named Spike, "It is time we act, and forget about reality shows."

Johnston Green is a character on the unwatched CBS show Jericho. Why Perot was endorsing him for president is anyone's guess.

Everyone in the room seemed confused, including Gerald McRaney, the actor who plays Mayor Green.

"I have no clue. Perot called me up and said he wanted to endorse me. I wanted to refuse, but CBS said it would be good publicity," McRaney told us.

When asked why he was endorsing a fictional person for president Perot responded, "Jibba-Jabba! A fictional man, for a fictional post. There is no president, it's all a lie!"

Which, of course led to the question if the there is no president why did Perot run for the office in 1994 and 1996.

"The reason!," Perot suddenly jumped onto the podium in mid sentence, "Sometimes I wish I was also fictional." Perot then hung his head down and quietly sang Livin' La Viva Loca to himself.

It's not sure how the endorsement will effect the current presidential campaign, but experts think it might shift the all important crazy vote away from John McCain.

"I don't know," McRaney responded in response to how the elections might be affected, "All I know is that Perot smells like Moth Balls and Mr. Pib. It's going to take weeks for me to get the stink off my hands."

Labels: 2008 election, hillary clinton, jericho, john mccain, Mr. pib, Ross Perot

Using the best psychics we could find and afford in the yellow pages we here at cheesegod.com have been able to download stories that will happen in 2008. Here is one such story:

Some cried. Some rejoiced. Some were too shocked to say how they were. Most vomited and then stuck their head in the oven. But all felt some kind of feeling or took some kind of action when the news was learned yesterday that George W. Bush had be reelected president.

"Why? Why? Why the hell does God hate us so much," one teary eyed 5 year girl was able to say between crying spats.

Today, the day after the 2008 presidential elections have left everyone shocked including the president himself.

"I just want to say how shocked and happy I am, but my vocabulary and speaking skills are good enough for me to do so," Bush told us through his World of Warcraft avatar during a recent wizard raid through the secret woods of Magiclot.

But the shock didn't end there. Dick Cheney suffered 82 heart attacks, and the predicted winning ticket of Obama & Marmaduke were equally dismayed.

"I thought America wanted change," Obama shouted from the edge of a tall building, "I knew I shouldn't of bought into this fad of cartoon dogs for running mates."

So how could such a thing happen? Turns out it was those pesky Diebold voting machines are to blame.

"It seems we forgot to unrig them after the 2004 election," Diebold spokesman Joe Orsulak told us just moments before being lynched by an angry mob, "Our bad."

So it looks like it'll be business as usual for the next four years. Meanwhile the official Republican ticket is already talking 2012.

"In four years we are confident, that America will be ready for Huckabee & Odie."

Labels: 2008 election, barack obama, george bush, joe orsulak, marmaduke, mike huckabee