It seems Hummer knows exactly who there customers are and are willing to admit it. A new TV advert shows a man grocery shopping, apparently feeling rather emasculate decides to follow his trip up with a purchase of a new Hummer to, as the slogan at at the end of the ad states restore his masculinity. This, without a doubt, seems to confirm the popular theory that the bigger the car a guy owns, the smaller his, uh, shoe size is.

One would think that this would be a negative effect on sales. To me this ad is pretty much saying, “Hey you! All you small down there? Buy this car!” Besides avoiding sales, they're also categorizing every current Hummer owner as also being organ deficient. I'd pretty embarrassed if I was a Hummer owner... I'm not though.

I have idea for the next Hummer ad campaign. It'll start with a guy doing community service cleaning up a highway. Then, disgusted with having to do all this cleaning, he can go out and buy a Hummer and drive it down the very same highway he was just cleaning, polluting the air around it. It would then end with the slogan, “Restore your Assholiness”.

Labels: cars, hummer

Nintendo tried the commercial disguised as a movie with 1988's The Wizard (You can read my take on that film here). Now, 18 years later it seems Nintendo is trying again with this year's Stormbreaker.

The film, due out this summer in England and in October in the US, boasts the following description:

"After the murder of his uncle and guardian, the MI6 British spy agency recruits the reluctant 14-year-old Alex Rider to take over his uncle's mission. Like any good spy, during training he receives his key piece of gadgetry: a Hot Rod Red Nintendo DS. He also gets several game cards that transform his DS into an eavesdropping device, a wiretap detector or a smoke bomb."

Perhaps even more odd is that this film stars such notable stars as Ewan McGregor, Mickey Rourke, Bill Nighy, Alicia Silverstone, and Andy Serkis.

Let's all hope this is just as craptastic and enjoyable as The Wizard.

Labels: nintendo, stormbreaker, the wizard, video games

Pogs. What the Fudruckers?*

Pogs were all the craze during the early/mid 1990s. They also baffled me even back then. Don't get me wrong, I had Pogs. Three of them. But there were people who liked to dive full force with their time and money, owning hundreds of Pogs.

So by now, if you are under the age 22 or over the age of 28 you're probably wondering what the hell a Pog is already. Basically Pogs were small round pieces of cardboard that had pictures on 'em. Then you'd have a slammer, which was basically just like a Pog, except it was made of metal instead of cardboard. The object of the game was to flip the Pogs with your slammer. Every pog you flipped you'd get to keep. Kind of a 90's version of flipping baseball cards, of course if there's anyone under the age 55 here, you'd have no idea of flipping baseball cards is.

Pogs came in two qualities, cheap and cheaper. However despite pretty much just being pictures on cardboard they sold for anywhere from 30 cents to a dollar each. Some Pogs featured cool sayings as “Awesome” or “Please be kind, rewind” and others featured cool cartoon characters like Ren & Stimpy, Fish Police, or Dan Quale.

Now, I'm sure your thinking, that all sounds uber cool, but why the hell were they so popular? Well, we couldn't bring our Super Nintendos to school with us, snap bracelets were already out and it'd still be another 5 years or so until Pokemon card would hit the scene, how else were we suppose to show off how cool we were. Note, since I had three Pogs I was quite uncool.

Don't feel too bad for uncoolness and lack of Pogs though, a year or two after Pogs were deemed no longer cool I joined the UPN 20 Kids kids club and got a set of 6 Pogs for doing so. And hey they also sent me a “decoder card” (I guess rings were too much money to produce to give away for free at this point) which I continue to carry in my wallet to this day right next to my Kellogs Frosted Flakes Nintendo 64 calling card. Now, 13 years later, Pogs can now be found for bargain prices on eBay. I say it's time we all become cool trend setters, and buy these Pogs up and bring them back in style... C'mon! We can do it! Hello.... anyone?

Labels: fudruckers, pogs

Press the play button to watch. You may need windows media player to view the file... but if you don't already see the video file above it's really not worth your trouble to get it working.

The only reason this video isn't a bigger waste of everyone's time is because it's only 3 seconds long.

Labels: lex luthor, sublime, wrong

Cheesegod.com Recently spent 2 weeks in Greece. The country, not the substance... or the play... although I must say I think Mr. Fish would make a great Sandra Dee. This is the first of what may be many, or just a few updates to result out that trip.

America has a had a major impact on countries all over the world, with American brands such as McDonald's and Coca-Cola infesting every corner of the earth. While luckily we managed to get through most of our time there without seeing a McDonalds (I saw one on our last day, I cried, fell to my knees and shouted, "You fools! It was Earth all along! And you blew it up! You damn dirty Apes!") we did see other examples of the impact the English language and America itself has had on the country.

For your viewing pleasure, here are some photos:

Copyright infringement! Call the MPAA stat!

Some breakfast cereal. Frosted flakes are just called Frosties. Nestle is a huge brand there, explaining the Crunch cereal.

The back of one of the cereal boxes above would be a better read than this.

Here we thought the Superflu would come from China in the form of Sars or Bird flu. Nope. They're bottling it in Greece.

Internet!

This dude is some Soccer player. He advertises everything over there.

Just more of the same.

This shirt makes my brain hurt.

First the Da Vinci Code, now The Weather Man? Why do we have to torture these poor people with our horrible entertainment.

Like black power I think.

Some graffiti found in Athens.

Not sure what this place is....

Apparently translates to "Don't step on the dog."

Labels: casper, coke, copyright, greece

Bill Gates announced his retirement from software giant Microsoft in order to pursue his personal dream of becoming a baseball star.

Gate's father had dreams of his son becoming a baseball star and tried to practice with him each day after school, but little Billy often chose instead to work on computers.

“That damn kid was always readin' on computers n' stuff, “Gates Sr. told us, “I tried to set that boy straight, teach him the fundamentals of baseball, but that kid was too busy with his little nerdy friends. What a disappointment he was.”

So, in order to win his father's affection, Gates has joined minor league team The Seattle Ligers. The Ligers is a brand new AA team created just this year, by Gates himself. Gates had attempted to join numerous real teams, but even AA minor league teams which often are desperate to attract fans in any way they can would not have him. The Delaware Blue Rocks offered him a position as the towel boy for their mascot Mr. Celery, but Gates refused when the refused to convert their scoreboard from Linux to Windows.

The Seattle Ligers was created from they money Gates earned on royalties from Microsoft Bob. Gates has appointed himself manger, cleanup hitter, shortstop, general manager, owner, and towel boy for the team.

The team is currently made up mostly of Microsoft interns. Gates had attempted to sign some big names to the team, but was unable to because no one wanted to play with him.