Just watched the Modern Marvels about Fast Food Tech on that there History network. A couple of things stand out to me.

First, an "expert" said that more people are eating Mexican food because they see it contains lettuce, tomatoes, and tortillas and think it's healthy. What? Anyone who's stupid enough to think Taco Bell is good for them probably deserve the healthy problems they are probably going to get. Let me give all our readers a helpful hint about food, if it makes you have explosive diarrhea, that's your body telling you it wants the food the hell out of it. If the food looks like gonorrhea before you eat it, perhaps you should pass.

Also, what's the History Channel's obsession with aligning food up. Before every commercial break is a fact about how if you put every French fry sold at McDonald's side by side it would wrap around the earth 20 times, or if you stacked up every pita from Taco Bell it'd be taller than the Empire State Building. Is this the only way we can measure how much food a retailer sells? When White Castle places an order with their distributer do they just ask for a couple of cases? Or do they instead ask for enough pickles to fill a kiddie pool?

By the way, their is really nothing on TV to watch anymore. Silly writers strike.

Labels: history channel, mcdonalds, taco bell, white castle

So apparently there is a forum called Sythe. What it is, I don't know, I don't care. The reason why I bring it up though is one member who has the clever handle of GameAddict94 on a has taken claim of creating cheesegod.com. He states, "I have also created a website called Cheesegod.com and it is all about funny things!"

Now, I'll tell you now I am not GameAddict94, or even GameAddict93. I'm sad to admit I'm not a game addict at all. I wish I was, but where does one find the time these days. Perhaps you could call me a MallomarsAddict as those are quite yummy, but I'm afraid if you did I'd get the image of being a fat loser.

I'm guessing Mr. GameAddict94 is a loser though. If I was going to falsely state things I've created it certainly would not be cheesegod.com. I'd take credit for digg.com, or Google, or even pets.com, but cheesegod.com? No, I don't think so.

Also, I certainly wouldn't be lying to get into a "Dev Core Team." I simply would just tell them my name and they'd be so taken back by how awesome I was and I'd be named their president. Then, after running the project into the ground because I had no idea what I was doing I'd be kicked out and cursed at for ages. But at least I wouldn't be a liar.

So what is my point through all this? I don't know. How about, don't do drugs and stay in school.

Labels: cheesegod.com, liar

Man, Alvin and The Chipmunks would of been a great movie if it wasn't for all those damn high pitched sped up voices.

Luckily, I'm working on a special edition of the movie that will fix that! Take a look:



The film is also now a healthy 4 hours long!

Labels: Alvin and The Chipmunks, bad movies, video

Have you ever wondered what the story is behind the world's largest Dixie cup? Yes, no, maybe. Hmmmm.... Well here it is anyway, wise ass:

Jason Jacome wasn't rich. He wasn't even poor. He had his wife, his 2 children, his pet cat, and even a cool little donkey figurine that dispensed cigarettes out it's rear. But Jason dreamed of bigger things... literally.

Every night was the same for Jason, he'd wake up mid night with the image of the paper rim rushing through his head. All day at work he would doodle little drawings of what he pictured to be quite the large object. At home Jason would lock himself in the bathroom for hours, staring at the Dixie cup he would hold in his hands.

Finally one day, after reading an inspirational Ziggy comic, Jason took a leave of absence from his job, emptied his savings account, and sold his ass butt dispenser.

At first Jason's family was supportive. His wife assumed it was just a phase Jason was going through, kind of like that week where he wore Bermuda shorts and spouted nothing but quotes from Ernest Goes To Jail.

But as the weeks passed, Jason continued to spend every moment he had in the basement working on his creation. As the bills piled up, and the children grew tired of eating what was left of the cat, Jason's wife decided she had enough.

The fact that his wife left him didn't matter to Jason though, because he had just discovered he could make progress much faster by using Elmer's white glue rather than the blowtorch.

Then one early Wednesday morning, the deed had been finished. Jason took his mammoth cup outside and proudly displayed it to the world. Neighbors gathered around and stared in amazement, local news reporters interviewed him, and school children would hold hands around the cup and sing songs of joy.

For a while life was good. But just like Twin Peeks, people eventually grew tired of it. The neighbors stopped looking, the reporters stopped reporting, and the school children were hit by bus. Worse yet, the bank took his house back, his wife and children were still gone, and an effort to sell the Dixie cup on eBay was foiled when UPS couldn't fit the cup on the truck to ship.

Now, Jason lives, all alone, inside his cup. But, if you ask him what his one regret is, he won't tell you that it's the fact that his family is gone. Or that the closest thing he has to a house is his cup. Or that his cat gave his children indigestion. No, his only regret is the fact that the cup doesn't have a roof.

"Everytime it rains at night while I'm sleeping I almost drown."

Labels: dixie cup, ernest, twin peaks, ziggy

In the flipping flopping world of international intelligence another sub chapter has emerged. On Monday President Bush showed proof that Iran is indeed developing Nuclear Weapons in the form of a text message from Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

"You liberal thinkers are thinking to liberally," Bush told a crowd of reporters and, for some reason, his toy Furby, "but here in my hand I have proof. Proof that Iran is indeed not only making WMD, but already have said WMD."

This statement confused the room of reporters since the only thing anyone saw Bush holding was the Furby. Even the Furby looked a tad confused. But then Bush raised his other hand to show his Sidekick phone and the room of reporters, and the Furby, suddenly returned to their normal state of confusion.*

"Here, on my sidekick I have a text from one of my "five", Mr. Ahmanin.. omahaw.. ahmandijoin.. the Iran president."

Bush then held out his phone. The room fell silent. Since no one could read the phone since it was very far away from anyone to be able to read anything off the screen. Also, every reporter in the room was, as usual, at least the age of 92 years old and most likely didn't even know what a "sidekick" was. One reporter in the back was heard to mutter, "That's a sidekick? Eh, it's no Ed McMann."

After a few hours of silence one reporter finally fessed up that no one knew what was going on and Bush revealed to the sleepy crowd what the text message said:

"ur so dum. Ive WMD! I Win, u Lose."

Still, no one knew what was going on. But still, reporters rushed out to print "the truth" while MSNBC and FOX News pulled random teenagers off the street, dubbing them "Texting Experts", asking them for their professional insight on live TV.

Democracy lives on...

*There's always some confusion at press conferences at the White House. Reasons for this include the vaudeville act performed by cabinet members Robert Gates and Carlos Guiterrez beforehand to warm up the crowd and the 5 foot tall poster for Small Wonder that hangs outside in the hallway.

Labels: george bush, iran, texting, wmd