George W. Bush is retaliating against Michael Moore after years of silence. He's fighting fire with fire by releasing his own movie as revealed in a White House press conference.

"The president has been working non-stop for the last couple of days on this movie," Press Secretary Scott McClellan told reporters.

"Last couple of days?" questioned one reporter, "Shouldn't he be working on finding a solution to all these bombs and deaths in Iraq?"

"The president is working because he feels it's important for the country," McClellan responded.

"But isn't there more important things to work on," asked another reporter, "Like the job economy, homeland defense, or even his presidential campaign?"

"The president feels this movie is important, and that is why he is working on it."

It went on like that for an hour or two... I don't know... I got bored and left to use the bathroom and when I returned everyone had mysteriously vanished. Although after a couple of minutes I realized I returned to the wrong room on accident and the press conference was still going on in the correct room. But this new room had one of those old 'Magic Eye' pictures in it and that kept me busy until my mom came to pick me up.

So far Bush's film consists of crude drawings of Michael Moore by the president himself, most featuring stink lines, and the music video for "We built this City (on Rock N' Roll) because Bush think it's a "bitchin'" song.

He had also found footage of Moore eating out of a trash can, but it has been revealed to just be a partially shaved bear wearing a baseball cap.

Labels: george bush, jefferson airplane, michael moore, scott mcclellan

After years of trying to get a grip on those huge overweight Coke cans a relief
is finally in sight! Coke is introducing the 5oz coke can!

By reducing the size of their current coke size from 12 ounces by 58% the can is
much lighter and easier to hold.

"I was always having a hard time holding the current size can," Coke paid
exsignifiacant MLB player Cal Ripken Jr. to tell us, "I could never drink from
them because I feared I would strain the fingers on my throwing hand and have to
sit out a game. If we had these new cans while I played I could have gone
another 2000 games."

The best part is that Coke was able to lower the size without changing the price.
Scientists had to work around the clock to figure out how to succeed with such a
feet, but in the end were able to pull it out.

The new Coke cans should be on store shelves by the end of the month right
between the 1.5 liter Coke bottles and the same priced, but larger sized, Pepsi
items.

Labels: baseball, cal ripken jr, coke, pepsi, soda

With the death of former 'butt of jokes' Ronald Reagan, many across the nation are saddened. Jodie Foster isn't one of them. She's impressed.

"I am so impressed," Foster said to someone, I guess.

With this news John Hinckley has been released from the psychiatric hospital he was being held.

"I guess he really was trying to impress Jodie Foster. He was sane the whole time," a doctor told us.

Hinckley is said to be doing well on his own. His first act as a free man was to purchase 32 copies of 'Catcher On The Rye' and was last seen giving free back massages to Fire Hydrants.

"Do you think Tony Danza would be impressed if I bit George W.?" Hinckley asked us as we were trying to casually walk by without being noticed.

Meanwhile Reagan's corpse is taking a nation wide tour. He is currently on display in LA and will be stopping at about a dozen more venues including a pair of sold out shows at Irving Plaza in NYC.

Copies of Star Wars on VHS have also gone up in value.

Labels: george bush, jodie foster, john hinckley, ronald reagan, star wars, tony danza