Labels: modem play, video games

It was an exciting event here at the latest press conference run by the History Channel. Announcements ranged for new programing to a new electronic history book reader that can hold a hundred books, and will see the same price of two hundred. But perhaps most exciting is the news of History Hitler, the forth cable network to bear the History name.

"Well, when we started off we had about 5 billion years of history, which provided just enough programing to fill out our 24 hour a day network," History Channel presidentProfessor Finklebottom explained to the crowd of wild history buffs, "Then we realized that there were countries besides America, so we started HistoryInternational . After a while we noticed that the only thing that ever really happened in history was World War II, so we started the Military History network. And all was good. However, we realized no one likes the war itself. They just like Hitler."

With that explanation, the History Hitler network was revealed. History buffs in the crowd went wild. One man cried, another fainted. One woman declared she must of gone to heaven and become an angel and promptly jumped out the window to test her wings.

Programing on the network will be both old and not as old. Featured shows included: World War II: The Forgotten Battles, Hitler's Battle Plans, The Nazi Way, A Day in the Life Of Adolf,Mein Kempf: The TV Series, Hitler's Follies , Hitler in Space, Two Girls, a Guy, and a Nazi, America's Next Top Hitler, and a show simply titled Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler.

"I'll have to buy a third TiVo just to keep up," History fan boy Joe Orsulak told us.

The network is also looking into to starting a 9/11 station hosted 24 hours a day by Rudy Giuliani.

Labels: adolf hittler, giuliani, history channel, joe orsulak

Nathan Petrelli is more of a hero than Superman I guess.

Image stolen from Super Dickery.

Labels: comics, heros, superman

I was checking out Google Hot Trends, a list of top rising search results, and was disturbed by what I found. No, I'm not referring to the fact that David Hyde Pierce for some reason made the top of the list on November 4th. I'm talking about number 64 on the day previous.

Now, I should warn you before you go click on that link and then ultimately follow it through to the video, that to only do so if you are one hell of a sick bastard.

Luckily, I read a description first, and was able to avoid the life scaring event that would occur if I had watched this piece of crap*.

In a nut shell, the video includes two girls kissing, defecating in a cup, drinking out of that cup, and then kissing again.

Now, despite the fact that this is obviously the worse thing to hit the web since goatse, or David Hyde Pierce, it's not so much the content of the video I'm overly consered with. I suppose anyone who gets turned on by poo needs to get their jollies somehow. No, it's the fact that it made it to number 64 on the Google Hot Trends list. How many damn people out there are into feces?

Can the internet users possibly paint themselves to be any more horrible? This and MySpace man. Proof that the world is going to hell in a hand basket.


*Literally!

QUOTE:
[Larry has rented Balki a tuxedo]
Balki Bartokomous: Yours?
Larry Appleton: Yes.
Balki Bartokomous: Yours... looks... just like mine.
Larry Appleton: Yes.
Balki Bartokomous: But if we dress alike, how will people tell us apart?
Larry Appleton: Dental records.

-Perfect Strangers

Labels: david hyde pierce, feces, goatse, google, myspace, perfect starngers

So lets see here. Back in the '90s Pepsi was advertising that their soft drink was the choice of a new generation. Now, apparently, abstinence is the choice of a new generation.

I assume this means that kids these are not getting any. Meanwhile us kids from the last generation are not only getting action, but are enjoying a can of Pepsi while we do. Wow, our generation kicks this generation's ass.

Labels: abstinence, pepsi, soda

MySpace has been popular for a couple of years or so now. As it has become more and more main stream I have grown to hate it more and more.

Is it the incredibly poorly designed profiles? The badly designed interface? The fact that it's owned by the unpropitious News Corp.? Or is it just my desire that hate everything that is popular and cast myself further and further from the mainstream?

Well, there are three facts. The profiles people create for themselves do look horrible, like some kind of hell for evil graphic designers. If they do desire to strive to make something that looks better for themselves, they're have a pain in the ass time doing so since the ease of customization is comparable to completing Dragon Force on expert in Guitar Hero. And, yes, News Corp, owners of The New York Post and FOX news, are extremely maleficent. As for that whole thing about me hating stuff just because it's mainstream, well, that's just silly... ahem.

But, as MySpace has become embedded in our civilization it has become harder to function not being part of the group. Not being on MySpace is like not owning a cellphone or a car*. Sure, there are alternatives threatening MySpace's empire, such as Facebook, but lets face it, it isn't going anywhere too soon. MySpace is like the MP3, outdated old technology of poor quality. The only reason anyone still uses it is because they are comfortable with and everyone else uses it.

So, I've given up. Perhaps it's not News Corp's fault MySpace is full of morons who don't understand it's of poor design to have songs preload and play, that sixteen embedded youtube videos isn't a good idea, and the only reason they have so many friends on the site is because all those people just wanted to have a lot of friends on their profile and will add anything that moves, or doesn't move, as their friend.

As I told myself this, I logged onto MySpace and created a profile for myself. Now I feel dirty, so dirty. Excuse while I go take a shower.

QUOTE:

"For a long time it gave me nightmares... witnessing an injustice like that... it's a constant reminder of just how unfair this world can be... I can still hear them taunting him... silly rabbit, tricks are for kids... I mean, WHY COULDN'T THEY JUST GIVE HIM SOME CEREAL?"

-Carlon, Fresh Price of Bel-Air

Labels: fox, guitar hero, myspace, news corp, ny post

RANT:

Another week, another recall. It seems these days there is no toy or no food safe enough to eat. Whether it's finding out that the frozen pizza last night might of just given you e coli or Anderson Cooper showing off the asbestos he has floating around in his blood, everything in the media is making us scared of everything. It has come to the point where just approaching the frozen food section of Target makes me start to shake and break out in a cold sweat.

Choosing an item to eat is like spinning the roulette wheel of incurable diseases. Are Bubba burgers still safe to eat, or will I find out tomorrow that they've been injected with lead paint. What about Digiorno's? Is that going to give me herpes? Maybe I'll just stick with the White Castle, sure it'll give me diarrhea, but at least that's all it'll give me... I hope.

Perhaps I'm better off just buying a cow, some chickens, and growing my own crops. Of course the ground is so polluted and the feed for the animals is probably tainted. I'd likely be no better off. That and I'm lazy. I don't even want to clean up after my dog, forget a damn cow.

---

TV:
Last night's Simpson's opened up with a joke about those annoying TV bugs that advertise upcoming shows across the lower third of the TV screen.

It's been done before (twice just by The Simpson's itself, once, quite brilliantly, during the Simpson's Movie) but never this violently. A series of show advertisements came on across the screen as Marge put a gruesome end to each, including sticking House's Hugh Laurie in a microwave, then feeding him to Homer as part of a loaf.

I was hoping one of the show bugs Marge destroyed would be Family Guy, which featured a similar gag a couple of weeks earlier. On Family Guy, a bug for The Simpson's was attacked by Quagmire. He raped Marge and then murdered the rest of the Simpson's family. Nothing funnier than rape. This segment didn't air in the US, although I hear it did in Canada. Sorry Canada.

By the way, why can't FOX ever air the Simpson's Halloween special earlier than a week after Halloween? Even with FOX losing the rights to half the baseball postseason this year, they still can't seem to get this show on in time. Stupid Red Sox.

---

QUOTE:

"Man, you're like school during the summer. No class."
-Rudy, from Fat Albert.

Labels: bubba, burgers, Canada, e coli, family guy, fat albert, food, pizza, simpsons, white castle