Things to learn from this advert:

1)Bubble Gum lets you fly in space

2)Watermelons are huge!

3)The guy talking is doing the worse impersonation of a robot ever.

Labels: bubblegum, commercials

English news website The People has posted some bad jokes. But the kind of bad where you moan at them, then secretly tell them to other people later. Here are a couple of my favorites:

MAN to Waitress: "What's the duck like?" Waitress to Man: "Like chicken, but it swims, sir."

DID you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his soul to Santa.

WINDOW blinds are a great invention - without them it would be curtains for all of us.

DID you hear about the two silkworms who had a race? Ended up as a tie.

HOW do you get five donkeys in an ambulance? Two in the back, two in the front and one on the top going Hee-haw, Hee-haw, Hee-Haw.

TWO dogs are walking down the street. First dog: "What's your name?" Second dog: "BMW." First dog: "That's a funny name." Second dog: "I know - I used to be Rover."

I WAS at a cash point the other day and an old lady asked me to help her check her balance. I didn't want to, but she insisted. So I pushed her and she fell over.

"GRANDPA, can you make a noise like a frog?" "I don't think so, lad. Why?" "Cos dad says we'll get £10,000 when you croak."

And one that only about two people in the world will get:
WHAT is the first sign of madness? Suggs coming up your drive.

Labels: english, jokes, madness

My favorite candy, Reese's Bites, has bit the dust it seems.

You may say, "Who cares? Just eat Reese's Cups." Well, first of all, obviously I care, and second, shut up. Reese's in mini ball form made it a much better treat.

I don't know what I'll snack on now. I'll have to hang my head and cry I suppose.

All of the Hershey Bite line has been discontinued. They included Kit Kat Bites, Hershey Bites, and Mr. Goodbar bites.

Labels: candy, reese's

Sure, the media bombards me with the news of the deaths of people I could care less about like Anna Nicole Smith and Don Ho, but it takes me over a month to find out John Inman died.

If you don't know who John Inman is it probably means you don't watch enough BBC or PBS.

I'm Free.

Labels: BBC, John Inman, PBS

From the restaurant of the week file, here's an eatery in China I learned about from an Indian newspaper:

A restaurant in the southern Chinese town of Shenzhen, where seats are similar to toilets and plates are designed as commode, is gaining popularity. Known for its slogan 'dinning on a toilet', the restaurant is decorated to resemble big lavatories, with two big toilets at the front entrance.

Customers sit on toilet like seats which are covered with colourful glass. Glass-top dinning tables are shaped like squat toilets. Lin, the boss of the four-restaurant chain, got the inspiration to set up a "toilet-themed" restaurant after visiting an exhibition in Paris on toilets.

Labels: china, food, toliets

Holy crap, Steve Guttenburg is still alive! Who knew?

Well, I knew. Who else knew though? Hmmmmm?

Labels: steve guttenburg

Apparently the mixture of Tylenol PM and heroin is known as "cheese." I wonder how many visitors to this site get here thinking it's some kind of pro-drug website. Whatever, people spun out on heroin will probably like this better than normal people anywhere.

At any rate, not knowing the above information would make the headline featured in The Dallas Morning News confusing:

Suspect arrested in teen's fatal 'cheese' overdose

Labels: cheese, cheesegod.com, drugs

China is quite excited about having the Summer Olympics in Beijing in 2008. The country can show off it's thriving economy, let us marvel at how they actually got communism to work, and block their own citizens from reading anything we may say negatively about it on our blogs.

But it seems to not be all cheers and giggles in China. They have their worries too. It seems those who inhabit Beijing have a bit of a problem keeping their saliva where it belongs.

Yes, China has unleashed a media campaign warning their citizens to stop spitting all over the place. Remember that scene from the first Naked Gun movie with all the baseball players spitting everywhere, apparently it's like that all the time in China (don't feel bad if you don't remember it, I feel ashamed that I do).

Another concern is the poor English on display on their billboards. Translated correctly it would read, "Find something new and be pleasantly surprised." But I for one prefer the current version, I'm always pleasently surprised by getting groped.

Read more at The New York Times.

Labels: china, engrish, naked gun, spiiting