So lets see here. Back in the '90s Pepsi was advertising that their soft drink was the choice of a new generation. Now, apparently, abstinence is the choice of a new generation.

I assume this means that kids these are not getting any. Meanwhile us kids from the last generation are not only getting action, but are enjoying a can of Pepsi while we do. Wow, our generation kicks this generation's ass.

Labels: abstinence, pepsi, soda

They really know how to sell Pepsi in Japan.

Labels: japan, pepsi, soda

A Quick time out to review a few of the new soda's we have on our local market's shelves this summer:

	Vault Coke found an abundance of the 7 year gone Surge cola and has rebbottled it as Surge
	Tab Energy Drink Tab. In the eighties it was a horrible tasting soda that was rumoured to cause cancer. Now it's a horrible tasting energy drink that makes you wish you had cancer.
	Pepsi Jazz "Jazz is like Jello Pudding Pop, no actually it's more like Kodak Film, no actually Jazz is like the New Coke, it'll be around forever... heh heh heh."

Conclusion: When are they bringing back Mountain Dew Live Wire?

Labels: cosby, jazz, mountain dew, pepsi, simpsons, soda, surge

It’s a Tuesday afternoon at the Broadway Mall in Hicksville, NY. Just like any other Tuesday during the summer, shoppers are out and about going about their merry way, perusing the mall.

But on this day Coca-cola has agents with coolers handing out free 20oz bottles of their latest diet soda, Coke Zero.

For those of you, who don’t know what exactly Coke Zero is, welcome to the club. I assumed it was just an attempt for Coke to outdo Pepsi One. I imagined that Pepsi would soon release a drink called Pepsi Negative One. This soda does not only have no calories, but would somehow actually remove one from your body upon drinking it. Unfortunately, for Pepsi anyway, Coke has beaten them to that too. They have announced they will be releasing a soda within the year that will actually burn about 50 calories when you drink it by speeding up your metabolism. Perhaps this time the soda will contain speed instead of cocaine.

Unfortunately, until that’s released, we’re stuck with Coke Zero. As mall patrons grabbed as much free soda as they could, some began to actually drink the beverage. The results were devastating.

The taste was horrible. People everywhere started cringing, slightly pulling their head back while making a frowning face. Some ventured tried to continue drinking, not wanting to waste a free drink. But ultimately the two-thirds full bottles began finding their way into trash cans… the floor… thrown on top of displays inside the mall… and anywhere else you could think of.

When one elderly man was stopped at the entrance of a store that did not allow food inside, he without hesitation threw the drink in a nearby trash can and grumbled, “It’s okay, the stuff tastes like crap anyway, no wonder they’re giving it away for free.”

Labels: coke zero, pepsi, soda

After years of trying to get a grip on those huge overweight Coke cans a relief
is finally in sight! Coke is introducing the 5oz coke can!

By reducing the size of their current coke size from 12 ounces by 58% the can is
much lighter and easier to hold.

"I was always having a hard time holding the current size can," Coke paid
exsignifiacant MLB player Cal Ripken Jr. to tell us, "I could never drink from
them because I feared I would strain the fingers on my throwing hand and have to
sit out a game. If we had these new cans while I played I could have gone
another 2000 games."

The best part is that Coke was able to lower the size without changing the price.
Scientists had to work around the clock to figure out how to succeed with such a
feet, but in the end were able to pull it out.

The new Coke cans should be on store shelves by the end of the month right
between the 1.5 liter Coke bottles and the same priced, but larger sized, Pepsi
items.

Labels: baseball, cal ripken jr, coke, pepsi, soda

In a year that saw Pepsi and Coke introduce 82 new soda flavors, including Vanilla Coke, Live Wire Mountain Dew, Toothpaste flavor Dr. Pepper, Cookies and Onion Pepsi, nothing has changed. Coke is still number one, Pepsi number two.

Pepsi, sick of being second instead of one, decided they had little choice but to introduce the inevitable:

Coke flavored Pepsi

The new soda, which will only currently be released on a limited basis during the fall to stores with employees named frank, is Pepsi's latest desperate move to overthrow the Coke kingdom.

The soda, named Pepsi: Coke, is advertised as "The Coke flavored soda for a new generation." It is already being advertised on Spike TV and during repeats of Friends. The ads feature a group of dinosaurs drinking coke, who are destroyed by a giant meteor with the Pepsi logo on it when it lands on top of them.

This is just the latest Pepsi knockoff of a coke product. Wild cherry Pepsi came from Cherry Coke, Pepsi Vanilla came from Vanilla Coke, Sierra Mist came from 7-UP, Crystal Pepsi came from Urine found behind a building.

Experts agree however that this new Pepsi: Coke will do little to help sales. "People don't buy Coke because they like it's taste, that would be stupid," Tip Danzig, Professor of Soda related Studies at Suffolk Community college told us in a lesbian chatroom, "they buy it cause it has a red label... and it has Santa on it during Christmas time. And how can you turn down Santa?"

There was also plans to release a Tab flavored Pepsi, but that was decided to be "just dumb."

Labels: coke, pepsi, soda

Soft drink drinkers will have another reason to drink their soft drinks this summer. Pepsi plans to incorporate online capabilities in their soda cans. "That's what the kids want these days, right? Online access and crap," said Pepsi chairman Joe Orsulak. These new cans will allow drinkers to access the latest nutrition information, download new skins for the can, and to listen to an MP3 of Britney spears slurping a can of soda. After drinking the soda within it can easily be crumpled up and thrown out... or recycled if you want your 5 cent deposit back. "It's new, it's revolutionary, it's cool. So buy it already," said the already mentioned Pepsi chairperson. The Pepsi is expected to go sale this July, although some grocers are already taking preorders. It will cost about $20 a can and will require three AAA batteries that are not included. The can must also be connected to a phone line and a optional keyboard must be purchased to access some features. The keyboard will only be available in Japan however but can be imported for the low price $120, feel free to check eBay for lower prices. Coke has no plans to introduces a drink with online capacities, but is considering a bottle with a flashing bottle cap light.

Labels: joe orsulak, pepsi, soda