In today's riveting cheesegod.com expose we reveal the rarest and hardest to get Girl Scout Badges. Every Girl Scout has the cooking badge, the sewing badge, the guilt tripping people into buying over priced cookies badge. But few have earned these badges:



This badge is awarded to those Scouts that use Windows Vista. But unfortunatley those that do don't want to admit it. Rumor is that even the scouts that had been rewarded this badge have traded it in for an Apple badge or a Linux badge.



In late 2007 presidential hopeful Joe Biden was so desperate for support from someone other than the two people who live in Delaware he decided to court the seldom tapped Girl Scout vote. Unfortunately even the glamor of a new badge for their chest couldn't persuade a girl scout to vote for him. Of course most girl scouts are not old enough to vote either, silly Joe.



One would think tailoring would be an easy badge to get. But for some reason every time a kid is sent to the Nike factory in South America to learn how to make clothing they never come back. So odd...



Nobody knows how this badge is earned. The only known Girl Scout who was lucky enough to receive this badge was Stacey Littlefoot of Nebraska. The story goes that anytime anyone asks her how she got it she just bursts into tears.

Labels: bill gates, girl scouts, joe biden

These pictures, taken in 1984, were rumored by
one blog to have been taken for an issue of Teen Beat magazine. It's not
true though, they are actually were taken as PR photos for the release of Windows.
Somehow that doesn't seem to make my stomach churn any less though.

And why the hell are his eyes so red?

Anyway, just so this update isn't all bad, check out this
song by Bad Credit about Bill Gates.

Labels: bad credit, bill gates, microsoft, teen beat

To: Buddy

From: Your Friend

Subject: Fwd:Fwd:Re:Fwd(2):So amazing, i believe it!

>>>OMG! This is good!

>>>------------------------------------------------

>>To:Jfranco@nym.com; Danza@goober.com; chichenman87@aol.com; smith@agnt.net; crudpants@lol.com; amazonfoot@hotmail.com; gigglemeister@gmail.com; bawlsdrinker@msn.com; luverofluv@webtv.net; frank3434344333456677@aol.com; complexity11@webtv.net; countdoofy@thematrixonline.com; triel@hotmail.com;
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>>From: greenman@dallas.com

>>Subject: fwd:re:fwd(2): So amazing, i believe it!

>>Is this true? It's on the internet... so it must be... right?

Original message:

To: Flansy@tmbg.com; operatordot@aol.com; linnell@johns.com; millerman@bankodans.com; weiny@bandofdans.com; hickeymachine@borninagraveyard.com; beller@newbie.com; tkazinski@usps.gov; haverchuck@thebionicwomanfansite.com; treznor@nin.net; commander@theaquabats.com; beardedman@lirr.org; agent_skinner@morgue.com; lonelypie@buttsgalour.com

From: phishmeister@iol.com

Subject: Help me please,,

Hello friends,

I'm bill Gates. Owner of Micro-soft windows. I have a lot of money. I got bored. I just made new X-box. But what can I do now!!

Me and George Bush make a bet to see who can make the largest number. Bush is making his number by making war. His number is will be maDE with deficit. Big number.

I want to make my number with a windows. But computer runs on 1s and 0s. Those are small numbers. And what big numbers are on a computers! Credit Card!

Please send me your credit card number. I want to win this bet. To make the largest number i will cut and copy all the numbers to gether to make one big number!

If you help me and send me your numbers, I'll send you a $1,000,000 US gift certificate to iMusic tunes store. Also I'll give you a backrub! YOU LIKE!

I want to win, I'll be the new emperor of the Americans.

Please send you credit card numbers to:
Edarewod Orrobs

1346 Nanoc ln


Indonesia

Orrobs, is my number associate. He has his office in Indonesia for tax purposes.

I am the trusted rich man. I WOULD NOT TELL THE UNTRUTHS!

Love,

Bill Gates

Labels: bill gates, credit cards, email, scam

Refusing to admit being outdone in any sort of way, Microsoft Launched it's own Music Store last week. Unfortunately, the ease of use is nonexistent. MSN just doesn't get it.

After purchasing each song you must enter in a serial number and register it (or in their words, "activate it") within 30 days of first play or else the song will cease to function. Also each song will automatically put a shortcut in your taskbar, desktop, and start menu. It will also run in the background when you start your PC and have to be shut off manually in the bottom right corner of your screen.

If it annoys you to have to turn off all your music files every time you go on the computer, don't worry, all the files will crash by themselves if you just wait a couple of minutes. Of course for each file that crashes you will get that annoying error box asking you if you want to send a report to Microsoft about it. Sending the report, of course, will just result in a web page loading up blaming the crash on a third party driver.

Meanwhile Microsoft is warning users to update their music files to latest version or they may be taken over by a hacker. And hackers have a crappy bitchin' taste in music (edited by hacker i-m-so-kewl). It is also advised that you reformat your mp3 player each time you transfer a new song onto it for best results.

Apple, owner of song selling leader iTunes, has said they will stay on top by continuing to offer mediocre products at expensive prices... but that are extremely stylish.

Note: I would love to take credit for creating the above image, but I actually stole it from here.

Labels: apple, bill gates, itunes, mp3, msn music, windows

Microsoft announced Tuesday that it was unleashing an update to fix 536 more flaws found in
Windows.

In an effort to fight viruses, worm, trojans, spyware, and Yahoo's march to take over the
world, Microsoft unleashed 536 more patches totaling 312 gigs. The patch will take only
about 3 days to download.

"Our Operating System is stronger than ever," Bill Gates told the American people from his
special Microsoft made car, riding and waving to the public while delivering these words,
"The more we are hit, the stronger we are."

Bill Gates offering up these encouraging words to no doubt rev up his troops in war against
alternative Operating Systems.

"These other Operating Systems, Linux, Panther, BSD.. they might not be attacked by Viruses,
but this because they already are of such less quality that they probably can't even run a
virus," Bill Gates pleaded with the crowd, "We all know nothing good is free. So why get
Linux, when you can spend you're hard earned money on Windows XP.

At this point the speech was delayed when his special Microsoft Car stopped running for no
particular reason and had to be restarted.

Once the car started going again Gates finished up, "Remember folks, When you install Linux,
the terrorists win!"

Bill Gates then jumped out of his car just seconds before it crashed into a wall. The car
malfunction was blamed on a flaw left open that let a hacker take control.

Labels: 536, bill gates, yahoo

A man was killed yesterday when an X-Box video game console fell of a store shelf and crushed him. The console, which weighs an estimated 200 lbs. and is about the length of five Mattel Electronic Football fields, was on the top shelf in the video game aisle. The X-Box must not have been properly balanced because it fell without notice onto the individual. Experts are calling this the worse video game related disaster since the Mortal Kombat wars of 1995. "This is the worst video game related disaster since the Mortal Kombat wars," said one such expert, "This is almost as bad as the time in 1989 when that guy played Tetris for 87 hours straight, went insane, and killed 50 people by throwing blocks off the Empire State Building." Many consider the X-Box the most dangerous system (one teenager called it "bas ass"), but the worse may yet to come. Microsoft has already announced the "Y-Box" as a follow up. It will weigh about twice as much and, according to Bill Gates, "will probably be better as far as graphics and stuff go too." Mr. Fish says: What the hell kind of name is X-Box anyway? Did it use to be a box, but now it's not? And what about Gamecube? So stupid. And Playstation? Sounds like a Fisher price toy. Lance Froman says: Gamecube is cool. I got this new game called Lost Kingdoms. You kill monsters by putting cards down and you get to be a princess!! Nick Crudpants says: That sounds pretty gay to me. Mike Rapstinks says: Gay? I'm offended by that! Not that I have any reason to be...

Labels: bill gates, video games, x-box