Earlier this month a home recorded video of T.G.I.F. from November 1991 surfaced on the internet. TGIF, for those of you not cool enough to remember was a popular block of family friendly sitcoms that would air every Friday night on ABC. It seemed like high quality entertainment back then, but that I'm older and, I'd like to think a tad bit wiser, I realize that I was an idiot back then. Anytime I flip through the channels and see a rerun of a TGIF alumni like Family Matters or Full House I want to bash my head in and cry.

For that reason I decided to see if I could make it all the way through this 2 hours of Sitcom hell. And of course I decided to share my torturous experience with you.

Since the video found online was sectioned into two parts, I decided to split my thoughts into two different parts. Today we'll be going through Family Matters (aka The Urkel Show) and Step By Step (aka "Lets do a 90's version of The Brady Bunch").




0:00 The video abruptly starts with Carl in a dress. Dear god, how am I going to make it.

2:00 About 2 minutes in when we get our first Woooooooo from the canned laugh track.

2:45 Eddie just had his friend call him a virgin, I don't remember this show being that edgy. No, I don't think that's very edgy, just more edgy than I remember...

4:15 We have Urkel!

5:48 The Winslows have a big ugly fish plate in their kitchen. Who the hell designs these sets?

7:01 Urkel just mistook Mrs. Winslow kissing Carl in drag for her becoming a lesbian. Wow!

10:30 Commercial: "The kids really like their Radio Shack electronic games" Oh, lord.



11:52 Ooo! Ben, is going to pump up the volume this Saturday on Growing Pains.

12:30 Urkel doing his best to avoid sex. Steve Urkel, the spokesperson for abstinence.

13:30 Ugh! Urkel in all leather.

14:30 Crap, Family Matters just practically made the same joke I'd write 5 years later. I feel so depressed.

18:00 What the hell is that big ugly red thing in the back of their living room.

19:05 Oh, generic sad music score. I'm gonna shed some synthesized tears.

20:20 Eddie is sportin' some nice orange pants

21:05 Family Matters just ended (sans credits). I'm 25% done. I might just make it.

22:53 Larry and Balki just alerted me to the horror that Step by Step is next. Maybe I won't make it.

23:48 Oh yeah, it's an ad for Hammerman, the MC Hammer cartoon!

25:11 It's Patrick Duffy, Scuzzlebutt's left leg.

26:32 The family is debating whether or not to get an answering machine. What the hell years was this made? 1984?

27:55 Everyone sing along now, "Step By Step, Day By Day, A fresh start.. uh... la la da ghh"

29:00 This K-mart ad makes me glad they lost the big box wars.

29:33 Another K-mart ad, c'mon.

30:06 Cody... oh god no. The inspiration for the turtle in Nemo.

31:13 Wow, this guy must of went to the Keanu Reeves acting school.

33:42 The daughter is a slut. Comedy gold!

34:13 Duffy just said he met with Kramer. That must of been the worse episode of Seinfeld ever.

35:01 A Milli-Vanila reference. I guess that must have been actually relavent in 1991.

37:05 The answering machine deletes message on it's own. Where did they buy it? I'd like one of those.

38:34 This guy has a Discman for a chest. Dear god.

39:01 "Mommy wow! I'm a big kid now!" Love that song!

41:01 Patrick Duffy almost died. Yeah I said almost. Maybe nest time.

51:00 Madnadoodle will let me doodle and undoodle.

53:03 Perfect strangers is next, can't wait.

Labels: abc, bad movies, family matters, step by step, tgif, urkel

Here are a couple of random thought for this Sunny Sunday in this Jubilant July during this twothousandseventy 2007:

1) The dumbest thing I heard so far today was a guy saying if you drop a penny off the empire state building and it hit the ground hard enough it would flatten out into a quarter. This was said during a special report on 20/20 on the subject, proving that ABC has apparently run of anything close to real news to report.

2) I want to open a restaurant where you can eat the table. The table would be made of wood or Formica just like any other table, but you wouldn't get in trouble if you decided to take a bite out of it unlike a certain diner I ate at last night.

And folk, that may be the dumbest thing you've heard so far today.

3)

Labels: 20/20, abc, food, money

Gatoraid was accidentally invented when a scientist put too much water, and not enough mix into his Koolaid. Also, despite popular belief, there isn't actually any alligator in Gatoraid, but it was one of the most notorious serial killers of all time.

The average ant can lift 10 times it's own weight, but can not lift it's own spirits.

TV Sitcom, The Hogan Family, had nothing to do with Hulk Hogan... sorry.

ABC launched a sister station in the early nineties cleverly called DEF. It was the first major network to be targeted towards Deaf people. The programing mirrored that of ABC, but all the actors would yell their lines so all could hear. However, it caused John Stamos to lose his voice causing ABC's biggest show, Full House to go off the air for a month. ABC went bankrupt, leaving the network vulnerable to a take over from Disney.

Grossman's Hardware store was named because they sold every item in units of 144.... and the guy who owned the place always had his fingers up his nose.

Every time I go to Taco Bell, I see plenty of Tacos, but never any bells. I see a bell at Long John Silver's, but never any long johns nor any silver. One time at White Castle I saw a guy with silver teeth wearing nothing but long johns... but I think he was a tad touched in the head.

Labels: abc, ant, full house, gatorade, grossmans, hogan family, hulk hogan, john stamos, koolaid, long john silvers, taco bell, white castle