12/31/2007

Taco Bell is Healthy

Just watched the Modern Marvels about Fast Food Tech on that there History network. A couple of things stand out to me.

First, an "expert" said that more people are eating Mexican food because they see it contains lettuce, tomatoes, and tortillas and think it's healthy. What? Anyone who's stupid enough to think Taco Bell is good for them probably deserve the healthy problems they are probably going to get. Let me give all our readers a helpful hint about food, if it makes you have explosive diarrhea, that's your body telling you it wants the food the hell out of it. If the food looks like gonorrhea before you eat it, perhaps you should pass.

Also, what's the History Channel's obsession with aligning food up. Before every commercial break is a fact about how if you put every French fry sold at McDonald's side by side it would wrap around the earth 20 times, or if you stacked up every pita from Taco Bell it'd be taller than the Empire State Building. Is this the only way we can measure how much food a retailer sells? When White Castle places an order with their distributer do they just ask for a couple of cases? Or do they instead ask for enough pickles to fill a kiddie pool?

By the way, their is really nothing on TV to watch anymore. Silly writers strike.

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# posted by cheesegod.com : 6:48:00 PM  0 Comments

1/15/2007

Fact You Won't Find In Wikipedia

Gatoraid was accidentally invented when a scientist put too much water, and not enough mix into his Koolaid. Also, despite popular belief, there isn't actually any alligator in Gatoraid, but it was one of the most notorious serial killers of all time.


The average ant can lift 10 times it's own weight, but can not lift it's own spirits.



TV Sitcom, The Hogan Family, had nothing to do with Hulk Hogan... sorry.


ABC launched a sister station in the early nineties cleverly called DEF. It was the first major network to be targeted towards Deaf people. The programing mirrored that of ABC, but all the actors would yell their lines so all could hear. However, it caused John Stamos to lose his voice causing ABC's biggest show, Full House to go off the air for a month. ABC went bankrupt, leaving the network vulnerable to a take over from Disney.


Grossman's Hardware store was named because they sold every item in units of 144.... and the guy who owned the place always had his fingers up his nose.


Every time I go to Taco Bell, I see plenty of Tacos, but never any bells. I see a bell at Long John Silver's, but never any long johns nor any silver. One time at White Castle I saw a guy with silver teeth wearing nothing but long johns... but I think he was a tad touched in the head.

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# posted by cheesegod.com : 10:33:00 AM  0 Comments

7/16/2003

Mets - Taco Bell Trade Dies





Early reports of a possible trade between the New York Mets and Taco Bell have not come to light.



"We tried hard," interim general manager Jim Duquette told us, "but in the end enough of us in the office decided we just weren't in the mood for Mexican."


The deal was rumored to bring two nacho cheese chalupas, a 7-layer burrito and possibly a Cheesey Gordida Crunch in exchange for pitcher Armando Benitez.


Although details of the possible trade are still sketchy, our inside source has told us the deal fell through because of money.


"The Mets wanted Taco Bell to pick up all of Benitez's Multi-million dollar salary for the rest of the year," a pimply teen at the drive-thru window told us, "Taco Bell was only willing to pay $5.15 an hour*."


The news came as a disappointment for Met fans, who want the 2003 All Star gone at any price. The Mets organization is still trying to come up with ideas on how to get rid of Benitez and make Met fans happy.


"We were thinking about a Benitez stoning day," Duquette told us, "We figured we'll just have him stand out there on the mound and everyone in the stands can throw stones at him."


"Sometimes I with they would just throw stones at me," Benitez said afterwards, "It would hurt less than their hurtful jeers." Benitez than ran off crying into the showers where he was comforted by Mike Piazza, who has an injured groin... in case you're wondering.


In the meantime the Mets organization will have to find somewhere else to get lunch.



"I was thinking about Pizza," Duqette said, "you think Domino's would take Burnitz?"


*In case Jim Dolan is reading this, $5.15 an hour is minimum wage.





Benitez shows off his Taco Bell hat





Yeah, it's a crappy image, I don't see you doing better!

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# posted by cheesegod.com : 6:37:00 PM  0 Comments