2/02/2004

Cheney Found In Hole


The white house released information today proudly stating that it
finally located Dick Cheney. Cheney, who's been missing for a long
portion of the Bush presidency, was found living in a hole in order to hide from the
press.


Upon discovery the vice president said, "My name is Dick Cheney. I am the Vice President of the United States. I'd like to negotiate." He was found with his trademark suitcase of
money, which he carries in case an emergency bribe has to be made to get a contract for Haliburton.



The location of Cheney has been rumored or thought to be many different places over the last couple of years. The most thought of was to be that he lived a double life as Joe Leiberman, the outcast of the Democratic primary (Al Sharpton doesn't count, as usual).


The capture has proved to mean little however, as Dick Cheney was found of Fox News. They
congratulated him on a job well done and went on the report that he wasn't living in the hole but rather was helping his employees dig for oil.


According to experts on the propaganda news channel reported the only people calling it a hole was the left wing pro-rape room media.


Dick Cheney has since moved from the hole and his current location is unknown. But a good guess would be somewhere convincing someone Saddam Hussein was the one who made the mydoom virus.


By the way, I went through this whole article without making a "Dick" in a hole joke,
because I'm a classy guy.




Wipe that sly look off your face, Dick.

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# posted by cheesegod.com : 1:03:00 PM  0 Comments

1/10/2004

WMDs Found On eBay

Weapons of Mass Destruction Found On Ebay



The search is over! After weeks of grilling Saddam Hussein, he has finally
unveiled where he has put the weapons of mass destruction. eBay!


Pentagon official celebrated as they entered the words "weapons of mass
destruction" into the ebay search box and did indeed come up with the desired
result.


"It was right there the whole time," Donald Rumsfeild told us, "I had my 11
year old nephew do up a search and it was right there. Between postings for a
"President Bush is the weapon of Mass Destruction" bumper sticker and a gay
porno video called "Weapons of Mass Intrusion."




Asked if the white house planned on bidding on the item, Rumsfeild responded no.
Apparently the White House's Paypal budget has already been spent for the year
by Bush on a Alf sock puppet.


Mr. Rumsfeild told us not worry though because the current high bidder in some
guy named "Al Keida" and that once he wins the item America will just bomb his
house and "free" the people that reside within.


Related stories:

Experts suspect latest Hussein tape may not be real

Hussein Responsible for deaths of Tupac and Biggie

Osama depressed

101 Uses for the Harry Potter Book

They Call Me Your Mom

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# posted by cheesegod.com : 1:07:00 PM  0 Comments

4/13/2003

Embarrassing Celebrities Photos


People in America love nothing more than celebrating our celebrities' shortcomings. We here at cheesegod.com appreciate this and is why we've gone out of our way to bring you these exclusive pictures we've uncovered:






Regis Philbin, not recycling



Mike Piazza serving a body double for Saddam Hussein



Jay Leno, shooting a Hobo




And, in case you missed it the first time it was here, click here for one involving R. Kelly.


Stay tuned for more...

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# posted by cheesegod.com : 8:18:00 AM  0 Comments

4/04/2003

Hussein Killed Biggie & Tupac


The US Government announced that it was Saddam Hussein who was responsible for the deaths of elitist rappers Tupac and Biggie.


It had nothing to do the east side or the west, but rather Middle East Side. The US Government provided the picture on the right as "documented proof" of the murder.


Some skeptics say however that the government is only saying this because they want support for the war. As a news source though we must agree with whatever the government says, or else we might not get future scoops or interviews with congressmen and such. So we agree this with this war 100% and all that we're doing there.


We also agree with government on the following:



  • Saddam Hussein is evil.
  • It is America's job to tell the people of Iraq what they want
  • Saddam Hussein was responsible for the death of Jesus
  • Saddam Hussein is responsible for the awful TV version of My Big Fat Greek Wedding
  • Our God is better than their god
  • Saddam would not make a very good lover

  • The rich need tax cuts more than the poor

Good night folks, and god bless America!!!!


Mr. Fish says: I don't like this story, it's too un-American, we must support our troops. If that bastard Saddam was here I'm lay an egg in his coffee.. do those Arabs even drink coffee?


Lance Froman says: I disagree, I think the best way to support our troops is to bring them home.


Mike Says: Shut up Lance, there's no way I'm paying $2 a gallon for gas.


Nick says: It figures you'd give into that stupid alternative press garbage, with your big fro and all... Man, I wonder if Saddam had anything to do with the death of Right Said Fred... I liked that guy



Mike says:: I don't think Right Said Fred is dead, unless you count his career. I like that guy to if you know what I mean, and if you do, please tell me, cause I don't.





Documented proof, thanks to two sloppy seconds in photoshop.

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# posted by cheesegod.com : 8:24:00 AM  0 Comments

3/27/2003

EXPERTS SUSPECT LATEST HUSSEIN VIDEO IS NOT REAL


US experts are taking a close look at the authenticity of video from Iraqi TV of a Hussein speech.


"Well we're split 50/50 right now. Half of us think him. But the other half is just not convinced," Pentagon spokesman Jake Propaganda told us, "The other half doesn't exist because it's not possible to have more than two halves in a whole. But if we could have a third half we'd probably make them out to get us some pizza, I'm starving."


Whether it was real or not it was enough to rally the people of Iraq to dance in the streets for the eighteenth time this week. The only evidence torture that seems obvious so far against the civilians of Iraq, is his ability to make them dance like idiots.


Here's the evidence the CIA has presented to the public on why the video may be fake. The picture at right below shows a still from the latest video along with letters pointing to different spots. The letters correspond to those on the left with why these spots are of interest.




A) Mustache Wax used appears to be different brand than normal


B) Who wears a turtleneck in the desert


C) Sorry, I forgot to draw a line from C... I'm not sure what that was for


D) Microphone used is a Sony, not Hussein's favorite, Casio.


E) Pocket doesn't contain Camel Cigarettes, the type many experts believe Hussein would use if he smoked.


F) This line of Red may be blood. Perhaps from being shot. And as you know, the real Hussein was bombed not shot.



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# posted by cheesegod.com : 8:29:00 AM  0 Comments