Dick Cheney found himself in the hospital with his 63rd Heart Attack in as many years Saturday after finally learning the truth about this months election.

It seems Cheney and his fellow minions had plotted for months for ways to rig the presidental election. From mailing out fictatious flyers, to warning blacks not to vote, to rigging those electronic polling machines, to bashing people's knees caps who weren't white men when they approached the polls in Ohio. Cheney thought he had sealed up the election for Bush & Co.

And everything went to plan... or so he thought. Yeah, sure, they won the election. But it was only Saturday morning someone told Cheney the truth.

Those flyers didn't work. Blacks voted anyway. They forgot to bash kneecaps. And the Bush team doesn't even know there's only one Internet nonetheless know how to rig a voting machine. Yes, against all odds, Bush won the election fairly.

This would be enough to shock anyone, but Cheney on his fifth baboon heart replacement went into instant cardiac arrest.

Democrats are already crying foul, claiming Bush is just trying to upstage Arafat. Democrats also still don't believe the election wasn't rigged. Their only argument is, "Look at him! He's a f*cking moron! Who'd the hell would vote for him." Which is a pretty valid argument.

Labels: dick cheney, george bush, knee caps

The new FCC regulations went into affect yesterday, providing each TV station a list of words that can not be said over the air. Unfortunately two of those words are the presidents and vice presidents last and first names respectively.

Both George W.'s last name and Mr. Cheney's first name have been ruled too dirty to say on TV. News reporters are becoming increasingly confused on how to handle the situation. To get around the restrictions new reporters and started referring to the duo as George W. LadyArea and ManStem Cheney.

These latest FCC regulations of course have all emerged from the Janet Jackson debacle, which despite her best efforts have not helped her record sales. It hasn't helped the fact that her music sucks too.

Labels: dick cheney, fcc, fox, george bush

The white house released information today proudly stating that it finally located Dick Cheney. Cheney, who's been missing for a long portion of the Bush presidency, was found living in a hole in order to hide from the press. Upon discovery the vice president said, "My name is Dick Cheney. I am the Vice President of the United States. I'd like to negotiate." He was found with his trademark suitcase of money, which he carries in case an emergency bribe has to be made to get a contract for Haliburton. The location of Cheney has been rumored or thought to be many different places over the last couple of years. The most thought of was to be that he lived a double life as Joe Leiberman, the outcast of the Democratic primary (Al Sharpton doesn't count, as usual). The capture has proved to mean little however, as Dick Cheney was found of Fox News. They congratulated him on a job well done and went on the report that he wasn't living in the hole but rather was helping his employees dig for oil. According to experts on the propaganda news channel reported the only people calling it a hole was the left wing pro-rape room media. Dick Cheney has since moved from the hole and his current location is unknown. But a good guess would be somewhere convincing someone Saddam Hussein was the one who made the mydoom virus. By the way, I went through this whole article without making a "Dick" in a hole joke, because I'm a classy guy.

Wipe that sly look off your face, Dick.

Labels: al sharpton, dick cheney, fox, iraq, joe leiberman, saddam hussein