International movie star Lassie was arrested this past weekend after being suspected of running illegal football games in his Hollywood estate.

Cops paid a visit to Lassie's home on Friday night when neighbors complained of a foul odor coming from the area. Inside they found an illegal football game in progress being watched and held by a number of high rolling canines.

"It was awful, it's turns out the bad odor was the Cleveland Browns," Officer Mike Neil told us, "I haven't seen anything that made me this sick to the stomach since Mr. Bean's Holiday."

Many of the football players were injured with strained hamstrings, scraped knees, and hurt feelings. One player yelped in the corner because his helmet was too tight.

Ingred Termso of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Athletes) spoke out the issue earlier today on a televised press conference.

"It is horrible. Horrible. When will American learn that they are evil. Watching these 'sports' is not fun for anyone. You are all sick. You should die. You are dumb. What is wrong with you guys? Listen to me. It is not natural. Watch some paint dry or a nice game of Monopoly. These are fun, ethical alternatives. You are evil if you like sports. You will pay," Termso went on like that for a while... probably, I don't know, I was too busy paying attention to the Met's score scrolling across the bottom of the screen, and too lazy to hit the replay button on the TiVo remote.

Meanwhile matters have gotten worse for Lassie, whose real name is Haig Lassaderian. It is now being reported that as many as fifty bodies of football players have been dug up from the backyard of her house. Many electrocuted, some hung, a couple drowned, one killed with kindness.

Lassie was scheduled to begin shooting a comedy next month with Chris Tucker and Michael Ian Black about a two men who give birth to a dog, but the project now seems like it's in jeopardy.

"Damn it," Black told us, "Every time I'm about to finally hit it big something goes wrong. First my annoying personality, then my lack of acting ability, and now this."

All may not be lost however.

"Did you hear they're going to make another Pink Panther movie with Steve Martin and John Cleese. I didn't think the first one did that well," Officer Mike Neil told us.

We're not sure what that has to do with anything, but he said it.

Labels: dogs, football, lassie, Mr. Bean, sports

You know Spider-Man, Pirates, and Shrek. Bourne Identity, Fantastic Four, and Harry Potter. But do you recall the most famous reindeer of all... er... I mean. There are a lot of big movies coming out this Summer, and while the movies above are getting all the buzz, there more movies that won't be breaking any box office records, probably won't ever rank number one, and possibly may never see any auditorium bigger than that really small smelly one at a single multiplex in a major city.

Here are my to five picks of these neglected films:

5) Mr. Bean Holiday - 9/8

The first trailer didn't impress me much, but this new one looks promising. And, hey, it's Mr. Bean! C'mon, how could it possibly be anything less than the greatest thing ever? This film recently debuted in England at #1, knocking 300 from that position.





4) Balls Of Fury - 9/14

I know you're thinking that this and the last film both come out in September, after the Summer. Well, you're stupid, summer lasts as long as you believe it does... and when the calendar says it does.

Balls of Fury looks dumb. But Christopher Walken is in it and he cracks me up.



3) Superbad - 8/17

This is produced by and stars Seth Rogen of Freaks & Geeks, Undeclared, and 40 Year Old Virgin fame. It also has that George Michael Bluth kid from Arrested Development. How can this film possibly fail?

Also, check out the R-Rated version of the trailer.



2) King of Kong - ???

This movie... is about two guys... who play... DONKEY KONG! Awesome!



1) Knocked Up - 6/1/07

This stars Seth Rogen of Freaks & Geeks, Undeclared, and 40 Year... wait, whoa, deja-vu. Jay Baruchel, also from Undeclared, and Jason Segal, also from Freaks and Geeks, are both featured players. Need another person to connect all these movies and shows together? It's directed by Judd Apatow, who also did Freaks & Geeks, and Undeclared, and 40 Year Old Virgin. So... yes, um, here's the trailer:

Labels: Arrested Development, Christopher Walken, Donkey Kong, movies, Mr. Bean, Seth Rogen, trailers